As many good butches, I love ties. Bow ties, long ties, skinny ties, fat ties – I love them all. For a butch, a tie is a major fashion statement. It dresses an outfit up. It makes an outfit cool. It can add a bit of uber-geek nerdiness to an urban sheik outfit – for the perfect balance. I just love the look. Put a bow tie on with jeans, a cardigan, and dress shoes – watch out. Add a skinny tie to slacks, a vest, and big boots. See what happens. It is about making a strong statement. Yes, I am a woman. Yes, I am wearing a tie. And?
By the way, while I have your attention, please think patterns and colors. Plain ties are very rarely the right choice for me. Possibly, for you either. I like to wear bold dress shirts. Lots of colors and patterns. If a shirt is a solid color (like my favorite Thomas Pink shirt that is actually just pink), it still has texture. There is nothing working if you have on a plain, flat white oxford and a plain black tie. A plain black tie needs a tuxedo jacket and a traditional, ribbed tux shirt. A white oxford or dress shirt, on the other hand, is game on. You can do anything with a white dress shirt. Put it with a blazer. Put it with a sweater vest. Put it with a cardigan or shawl collar sweater. Put it with a suit vest. If you are skinny enough, pair it with a thin shirt. Almost anything covering your legs will do – as long as the tie compliments or ties together the shirt and the blazer, sweater vest, cardigan, suit vest, or thin shirt.
Come on, butches! This is your chance! Grab it. Your femmes want you to, I promise. I am so tired of seeing sloppy or lazy butches out there. Now, I am not talking about at the grocery store or in a doctor’s waiting room. Be comfortable, fair enough. But out to dinner? At a show, concert, or a movie? At a club? REPRESENT. Does it not turn you on when your femme has on sexy panties that match her bra? When she wears make up? Heels? Do you want to see her in sweats and a t-shirt out and about?
I have thought about this and I think the problem is that as butches we are “other.” Many of us have not yet found our niche – come into our own. Where do we fit in? What is our fahion? Until you accept that you do to have to shop in the ladies’ section, you might be uncomfortabe. Trust me. I know. My fiance and friends could show you pictures of me then and now and you would be shocked. Is that the same person? The answer is quite frankly, no, it is not the same person. In the old pictures, I had not yet appreciated that I was a butch. I was wearing all women’s clothes. Can you imagine?!? I cannot remember the last item of clothing I bought that was women’s (other than my sports bras). So, what will it take for you to find your style and, maybe, just maybe, sport a dashing tie?
Head over to Nordstrom’s men’s section where they will treat you well as a butch. Want to ease into it? Go to Banana and get yourself a nice dress shirt and a tie. Have the cute sales lady help you pick it out. Then, see how you feel when you wear it. If you feel comfortable, you will have found your butch style and you will be hooked!
But, say you trust me and take that shopping trip. Say you are brave enough to buy that tie. WHO WILL TIE IT FOR YOU? This is a real problem. Unless you grew up with brothers (which I did not), or your girl knows how to tie a bow tie (mine does not), or you worked your way through school in a men’s clothing store (strike 3 for me), you do not know shit about tying a tie – straight or bow. Ugh.
My dad did not teach me how to tie a tie when I was little. It is not his fault. I was wearing dresses then – don’t think about that too long. How could he have known that I would need to know how to tie a tie? It would be so different if I could go back now and have my dad teach me all of the things that he would have taught me if I was a boy. But, alas, it is too late for me to have the proper upbringing in all things butch. I , probably like you, am left to educate, myself in this world. So that leads us to the sales lady or guy at Nordstrom (they will send you home with a perfectly tied tie and a book on how to do it), or the internet. I cannot tell you how many times I have been getting ready and tying my bow tie has been a 10-minute ordeal. I used to always turn to my smartphone for a how-to diagram or video, and only then was I able to get it tied. The good news is that, inexplicably, recently, I have nailed the bow tie. The secret or hidden loop in the back is easily in my radar and I can tie the perfect bow tie in seconds. Huzzah! My fiance finds this very sexy, by the way, so there should be some incentive for you to try it.
Find your style, butches. It is not in the ladies’ section. Embrace your hotness. Don a bow tie. See what happens.