The Butchest Movies of All Time

Purely for fun, I’d like to do a series of lists of the “butchest” whatever. Movies, bands, tv shows, books, paintings, cars, sports, tools, beers, etc. This is super scientific, of course, and if you don’t like the things on these lists, then you aren’t butch. For example, if you don’t particularly like Jaws, and you adore musicals (cough), then you can’t be butch.
20130413-092023.jpg
I mean – we know that’s lame right? So let’s have some fun. My favorite movie is Moulin Rouge, by the way, so I don’t know that I speak for the butch community, but while I have the mic…

1. The Godfather – Clearly this is the butchest movie of all time. Right? You are either part of the family (butch-femme) or not. Go to the mattresses. Horse head in the bed? Really? I note that it’s not on my list of favorites, but I’m pretty sure it tops the butchest list.

2. Terminator – Every butch reading this must admit Arnold was the quintessential badass in that movie. How about walking down the hallway and pulling that shotgun out of the box of roses and the crushing them under those rad biker boots we all own or wish we did? And let’s not even talk about Linda Hamilton’s arms and shoulders in the second one. Want!

3. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective – This is one of the best comedies of all time. You can disagree with me, that’s cool. I’ll be over here watching the funniest actor ever doing crazy stuff, rescuing animals, and oh yeah…sleeping with Courtney Cox. And, you’ll have to forgive me while I recite every line. Loser.

4. Batman – Any of them. A billionaire playboy vigilante with the absolutely coolest toys of all time? Body armor with nipples? Everything is all black? When he’s not in his body armor, its almost always a gorgeous tux and bow tie. Yes please. Plus, there’s always gobs of super models around him. I so want to be Batman, even if it means getting chased by Heath Ledger’s Joker (much scarier than Jack’s).

5. High Noon – For my dad. I dare you to prove me wrong. Cowboys, honor, dirt, gangs of ruffians. Me and my dad will be ready for you over at the OK Corral. Come say it to our faces.

6. Bad Boys – You know you are singing the theme song right now. Cops, Miami, chase scenes, explosions. Still not convinced? Two words: Tia Leoni. Drop the mic.

20130413-091635.jpg
7. Jaws – Now, I know you are all, “Butch, don’t be a size queen, we don’t need a bigger boat.” Yes, yes we do. We always need a bigger boat! Good rule of thumb, your boat should be at least twice the size of whatever you are hunting – or whatever is hunting you. Same thing for Orca. And how many times have you compared scars with another butch – preferably when your girl is present?

8. Alien – Sigourney Weaver in a muscle tank beating the crap out of the mama alien in that industrial robot contraption. How about when they are face to nasty-scary-double-jaw? Come on! Plus, she is all dirty and messed up. Honorable mention here to Helen Hunt in Twister for the same dirty t-shirt situation (plus hers is wet). Sigh.

9. Silence of the Lambs – How ridiculous is our girl Jodie Foster in this movie? Get it! I can barely watch this movie, it’s so scary. I yell at the TV, don’t go in the house, Jodie! Wait for SWAT! She’s too butch to listen.

Special Note for All Scary Movies: Do not forget the protection factor. This is the scientific formula whereby your girl will squish more and more into you the scarier or weirder the movie gets. I don’t like scary movies, but the squishing, accompanied by my arm draped around her and a comforting squeeze (“I’ve got you, baby”) can make it worth it. Am I right? She doesn’t have to know I’m closing my eyes.

10. Anything Starring Angelina Jolie – Just because. Preferably when she’s got a gun and is kicking ass, ala TombRaider, Gone in 60 Seconds, or Salt. But Gia works, too.

Some suggestions from my Butches:

11. Fight Club – First rule of Fight Club, it’s super butch. I haven’t seen it (gasp), so I’ll take my butches’ word for it.

12. GI Jane – Femmes playing butch are super hot. Has there ever been a better example of this than Demi in cammos, with a shaved head, getting ripped and kicking ass? I think not.

13. Set It Off – Queen Latifah plays a lesbian. Apparently, there’s a good sex scene. Haven’t seen this. Yet. Or if I have (vaguely recall it), then I guess I disagree.

14. Steel Magnolias – what can I say? Butches are complicated and multi-layered. I don’t agree, but several butch bros were all about this one. It’s a great movie and I know a lot of lines, but I say chick flick.

15. Bound – Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly. Swoon. Both of them are crazy hot, but together? In a mafia type drama? Come on!

Anything missing? It’s butch to participate in silly, arbitrary lists of things that are the “butchest” and to use the word “silly.” Be Butch.

About Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

I am a butch. This blog is about what I think. If you do not know what butch means, you are probably on the wrong blog. In the interests of inclusion, though, I can tell you that “butch” means a lesbian that is big, strong, tough, more macho, less girly. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules – which is an ongoing theme in my blog (and in the comments), but those are the basics. A butch will most likely not wear makeup. A butch is often referred to as “sir” by someone who is not paying attention. What else? I am, after all, not just a butch. I am happily married to the most amazing woman ever, and the mother of two fantastic kids. I am also a lover of, in no particular order, beer, bowties, breasts, movies, hiking, bookstores, travel, dogs, geocaching, polar bears, the gym, music, gadgets, and more. By day, I am an intrepid corporate entertainment lawyer. Although I try hard not to be labeled as such – sporting a bleached Mohawk, for example. Think more entertainment and less corporate. By night, bring it all on! In my blog, I talk about things from a butch perspective, but this is not just for butches. We all love our femmes. Please do not let me offend femmes, mine in particular! If you like what you read here, I hope you will comment and let me know what you think. If you do not like what you read, well, what the hell do I care? Start your own blog. Be Butch. View all posts by Tristan Higgins, aka Butch Jaxon

17 responses to “The Butchest Movies of All Time

  • Bejai

    Would it be possible for someone like Meg Ryan or Jennifer Anniston to be butch?? Certainly butchier, but really butch? Just old lady curious since Demi Moore made the list.

  • Kelly

    Hey Butch!

    What fun to read this morning! Not sure what made me laugh more: your post or you and Bejai! In the name of silliness, I will offer: Thor. He is Badass and chivalrous. Moulin rouge? We can’t be friends ( I pretty much hate all musicals). FIGHT CLUB…YES YES YES. Ace Ventura….um, no comment. Not familiar with Bad boys. Guess I lose a butch point. Haven’t seen TombRaider….how many butch points do I lose for that? ;)
    Great list overall though! While I agree we butches are complicated, steel magnolias wouldn’t be on my list.

    Thanks for the laugh!

  • pat

    You’re missing “By Hook Or By Crook”.

  • Maya

    Hmmm. . . well, I agree that FIGHT CLUB has to be pretty close to TOP of the butch films list. (But do I get to vote? Im a Femme! Ok, FIGHT CLUB is top of almost ANY list). And nothing quite tops (pun not intended but now that I wrote it, um, yeah. ..) GI Jane for a number of reasons – hey, don’t we all have an inner GI Jane in us, just waiting for something super bad to come along and give us the no-other-option than to get our Badass on and bust up their f’n faces for the good of womynkind??!

    So, as for other lists, how about
    Butchest Jobs
    Butchest Cars
    Butchest Games
    Butchest Fairy Tales (um, unless that is an oxymoron? Gimme a break, I’m a Femme!)

    Anyway, I liked this post. Made me giggle, which is always good. Thanks as always.
    Maya

  • A Spare Mind

    SNATCH

    But I die for G.I. Jane. The. End.

  • annelwing

    Well, that is quite an eclectic list and I’m glad “silly” can be Butch and arbitrary acceptable. I’m thinking Helen Mirren as Jane Tennison in the Brithish TV series Prime Suspect. I know that isn’t technically a movie; it is better because many more hours of entertainment.
    Have you ever got to the end of your favorite movie or book and just wish it didn’t end yet? I have many times. Mirren has been compared to Humphrey Bogart for that role, even before I read that I think she is very butch, and never missed an episode.
    So if Jimmy Dean, Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant can be role models for butches, how about Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing? OMG – what a great model for a butch – just my opinion! But I can easily see a Butch in that role. #swoon.
    Then another fave is Whoopie Goldberg in Jumping Jack Flash – I’ve always thought that was a Butch role. Have you seen it? It includes international espionage, humor, and a different kind of love story.
    Thanks for this fun read, Butch – look forward to coming up with a great movie list from everyone’s contributions – and I don’t watch scary movies,either, nor current or “modern” ones, so it appears – will work on that. . But I do like the “squish” recommended when watching a scary movie. Chuckling. a great way to start my day!
    Anne

  • cathy

    How can you A. Not remember seeing Set It Off, and B. Disagree that it is a hot as hell butch movie? I can only assume then that you did not see it. You should. This from a femme. Queen Latifah, playing a hot butch who organizes a robbery that goes sadly awry, all for her gal. Makes one swoon.

  • Sheila Gilhooly

    I agree with some of your choices..how about that one with Kathy Bates (I love that woman !!) the title is a woman’s name , a Stephen King story who else? I just can’t remember the title argg!! but she was great and her own kind of butch..and then there’s Harry’s Law,which didn’t last too long, was she too butch for them ??

      • annelwing

        I adore Kathy Bates.

        I wonder if it is DOLORES CLAIBORNE you are referring to? Takes place on an island, she works as a housekeeper for a wealthy woman, has an abusive alcoholic husband, and a young daughter. She is fiercely protective of those she loves
        .
        Butch (in a psychotic way) in Misery for sure.

        Then she would be Femme for sure in Fried Green Tomatoes.
        There is one in which she cares for her mentally challenged sister – can’t remember name – would likely be Butch as well.

  • Debi

    Why is there no Die Hard love?

  • Jamie

    Bond, James Bond. Need I say more? (ok, Bond girls!)

  • Vulnerable Verbiage

    Butch, my darling!!! You haven’t seen Fight Club!!! *Tisk* *Tisk* That’s my ALL time favorite movie!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

pinkroziz

Always A Story...

softlybutch

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this WordPress.com site

Dear Butch, ... Love, Femme

a little sound advice from one side of the spectrum to the other

A Femme in NYC

Adventures & Misadventures of a Butch/Stone Butch Loving Spaniard

Femme Fairy Godmother

What your mama should've told you

Javon Monét

Thus Spoke A Lipstick Lesbian.

kittysveiw

Thoughts from a femme...

A Boy and Her Dog

Traversing the Border between Butch and Transgender

Taking Sense Away

Confessions of a Former TSA Screener. Views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of the TSA. Obviously.

Sudden Awareness

It's like I just awoke to find myself living someone else's life

Notes From A Spare Mind

one of those bloggy type things

P J Perryman Books

Sparkly Knickers

ButchOnTap

Be butch.

Dapper, Irish & Butch

Dapper- it's a state of mind.

singlequeergrrl

single. queer. grrl.

Live simply, travel lightly, love passionately & don't forget to breathe

I choose to collect memories instead of things. " To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, to draw closer, to find each other and to feel. That is the purpose of 'Life' "

Stories from life

cisgender, unlearning oppression, transgender, resistance, butch, femme, gendered space, women, women and police, women and hospitals, women and transphobia, genderism, transphobia, sexism, allies, coming out, gendered spaces, women and welfare, solidarity, barbara findlay, washrooms, women and psychiatry, still sane

Butch Ramblings

“I’m not wandering aimlessly, I am experiencing endlessly.”

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,180 other followers

%d bloggers like this: