Category Archives: travel

What Did Butch Pack for Dinah Vegas 2013? Too Much, Probably.

20130429-201652.jpgI went to Dinah Vegas this past weekend. It’s the Vegas version of the more traditional Dinah Shore Weekend in Palm Springs (which I I wrote about a few weeks ago), but this one is sponsored by L.A.’s Girl Bar. It’s another lesbian spring break. Ironically, I am no longer young enough to act like a spring breaker, but I never did spring break when I was young enough, so why not go and have some fun?

I tend to overpack, always. Overpacking may be something that some people normally attribute to our fairer femmes, but I’d bet that plenty of butches overpack. Our hair products alone could fill one carry-on. Let me give you a quick and dirty list of my essentials…

Read the rest on the Huffington Post Gay Voices.


I Don’t Like Sushi

I don’t like sushi. There, I said it. I love veggie rolls, and anything that is cooked, but not raw fish. It’s a problem. For real. And something I will either have to hide while in Japan or be prepared to deal with.

My Japanese colleagues will want to take me to excellent sushi. After all, what do most Americans want to experience in Japan? Sushi. So, I will go and eat sushi and I will drink lots of sake and it will be fine. I also cannot stand shellfish. Any kind of shellfish. Lobster, crab, scallops, mussels, abalone, clams, oysters – disgusting. The lot of them. Again, I realize that this makes me a bit of a freak. Whenever I am at a high-end event and all of my friends and colleagues are freaking out about the “amazing crab legs” or the “ridiculous oyster bar” I just shake my head. It’s really a texture thing for me. The flavor is ok really, but I can’t stomach the texture of these sea creatures.

On top of that, they are sea creatures, very small animals. When served, they frequently are still the whole animal. I have trouble eating a life. A piece of pork under cellophane in the market, or a lovely piece of steak on my plate, totally distanced from its source, is one thing. And both pigs and cows are indeed delicious. But a lobster, in tact, sitting on my plate? No, it’s too much for me. A friend said it really well recently. She is a marine biologist and she shares my distaste for all of these sea creatures, which she explains are her friends. How can she eat her friends? I note that she is a very attractive femme, and I would try anything she asked me to, so it’s a good thing she doesn’t care for shellfish. To my friends reading this, if you didn’t know that about me, take note. It can easily be a new sport for you – a form of hazing Butch.

And, before you say, “Butch, you need to try it,” let me assure you that I have. My ex wife is a lobster freak (I assume this is still the case), and my ex GF loved all manner of sushi and shellfish. Each of them at various points in our relationships encouraged me to try all of these items over and over again in case my tastes had changed. And, of course, I always try things that I am asked to try. Each time, I would say, “Of course, honey” and try what I was offered. My tastes had not changed, much to their chagrin. Even last weekend at dinner with a bunch of friends at an amazing place, a friend was over the moon with her scallops – my least favorite of all shellfish – and she asked me to try them. She’s a pretty femme, and well, what can I say? Of course I did as she asked and tried a bite – washing it down with the Chimay I was drinking as politely as I could. Blech.

So, I am an American business woman in Japan (sounds like a tag line for a show) and a lesbian at that. And, I don’t like sushi. I refuse to make that joke – you know the one – because I think it’s gross and very, very far from the truth, but I’d be a fool if I didn’t acknowledge that at least some of you are thinkng it. For shame.

Dear Japanese people and sushi fans the world over: I am sorry.

Dear PETA and fish friends: you are welcome.

Well, what can I say? It’s butch (or at least good business) to eat things you don’t want to in order to not offend your hosts? Ok. Be Butch.


The King Treatment

Yes, please.

Yes, please.

I’m enjoying my third trip to Japan. All have been for business. This means several things. First, it means that I have a carefully planned agenda, filled with meetings, occasional sight-seeing events, cool meals (with tons of people), and nice accommodations. I love to travel, but I don’t fly business class when I am traveling for pleasure.

There is a huge downside, of course. You do not control your itinerary. As it is with my current trip. I am traveling for a full 5 days, to get two and a half days in the office working. There will be no time for any side trips. If my energy allows, which I think it will, I will wander about after the long business dinners are over. But that will only allow some exploration in Tokyo. Perhaps Roppongi or Shinjuku, the gay area. Yes, I will make sure to head over there. I’ve been to both before and had fun in each place.

On my two previous trips, I travelled with colleagues; but on this trip, it is just me. No companions. I am really looking forward to it.

As I write this, I am flying. Sitting in business class. Ahhh. Deep sigh of relief. It is a wonderful experience. Over the course of the twelve-hour flight, there is all manner of goodies, beverages and snacks. It is so much fun. Kind of like a kid in a candy store. Unlike coach, business class has choices – lots of them. Shortly after take off, I was served orange juice or champagne (any guesses as to which I chose?). Then I was given a menu and asked to review it. There will be a main meal service, and then there are a variety of things you can order at anytime during the long flight. And, there is a long list of alcohol and other beverages you may enjoy.

The food is delicious. First an amuse bouche of blue cheese and fruit, and a Manchego, almond and smoked duck dip. Then, the hors d’oeuvres of marinated scallop, tuna pastrami, and foie gras mousse. The main dish that I chose was prime beef wellington, with a portabella mushroom pastry and mashed potatoes (lobster thermidor is the other choice). Dessert was Panna Cotta with mangoes. Yes, on the plane.

At varying points in the flight, I have had Jack, Champagne, and Japanese beer (almost always disappointing). Near the end of the flight, after I woke up, I enjoyed a cheese and fruit snack followed by a roast beef and horseradish mayonnaise sandwich (tiny) with a lovely salad of lettuce, asparagus and balsamic. Are you getting the picture that the food was good?

The flight attendants of JAL.

The flight attendants of JAL.

More than that, the service is amazing. I have had at least four different flight attendants help me, check on me, offer me items. All of them are young and lovely, too, by the way. I think the labor and employment laws in Japan are quite different from in the US (I know this, actually). Most of the time when I fly Southwest Airlines, I feel awkward about asking for anything. The last few times, I’ve either been helped by attendants who were older than my mom, or pregnant. How am I going to ask either of those women for anything? I can’t really expect someone my mom’s age or older to go get me more peanuts. How can I ask a pregnant woman to fetch me a Jack on the rocks? Isn’t that cruel? I mean, she can’t have one. So, JAL is a nice change. Here, there is literally a flock of super kind, super attentive, super deferential Japanese flight attendants. All have lovely smiles for me when I ask for something. All make me feel like it really is their pleasure to serve me – rather than an inconvenience because they really are just here for our safety (the message the US airlines disseminate more and more).

So I sit back with my slippers on, enjoying the warm towels each time they bring one, and order whatever I want. I feel like a king. And this is not just on the airplane. The Japanese people have an amazing ethic about service. They take pride in doing it well. If you are in their restaurant, they will make you feel like a king. Indeed, I’ve never been anywhere else in the world (yet), where you can literally yell out “Sumi mas sen!” whenever you want something, and someone will sprint to your side to get it for you. It’s how its done. It’s not rude. Like, say for example the one time last summer when I was in the Mediterranean and I actually whistled in a pub. My British companions almost fainted because what I did was so rude. And it was rude. I will never do that again. Ever. In Japan, though, that is not an issue.

It’s butch to let others take care of you when it is their job – especially when they make you feel like a king. Be Butch.


A Spotless Bowtie

Can you spot the bow tie?

Can you spot the bow tie?

When I was in Tokyo last month I had the privilege of visiting one of our factories. This is where my company makes some ridiculously sophisticated stuff. I mean, seriously. I could not possibly explain it. So, I was delighted to fly to a distant island in Japan and zip on into a special place where no lawyer has been able to go before. One small step for Butch Jaxon, One giant step for Butches everywhere.

This is one of those places where you cannot leave dirt, hair, sweat, or DNA. I had to wear a special suit to visit this “clean room” environment. This means that two women helped me into a hair net (which is bad for the hawk), face mask, special suit (with double cuffs at the arms and ankles), a ski mask like hood, and special booties. Oh so sexy. After getting into my E.T. or Monsters Inc. like outfit, I walked down a corridor filled with air hoses to blow off any remaining filth and into an air-locked chamber before entering the clean room. Wow. What a neat experience.

After the visit (I could tell you what I saw and learned but I’d have to kill you), as the same women were helping us out of our special sterile gear, our guide offered to take our picture. I knew I had to do it. I donned the gear again, and of course, added my special touch. Can you see it?

It’s butch to accessorize, even in the toughest environments, and with the ugliest outfits imaginable. Be Butch.


On Being Butch … and Tristan

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Usually as a big ol’ butch, I don’t have to come out. Walk into a room, people know I’m a lesbo – unless they mistake me for a dude. Whatev. But recently, I had to decide whether to come out. Again. The first time I was 17.

I knew it would happen. It had to at least if I was doing it right. I’m talking about my blog. I’ve written ButchOnTap as Butch Jaxon since the start. What? You thought that was my real name? I did it this way for lots of reasons:

1. It gives me the cover of darkness. Fail miserably? No worries. Say something too risqué? Not a problem.

2. It protected my then-girlfriend. She’s very private and I always wanted (and still want) to honor that. If I was Butch Jaxon it would be easier to share a few things about our lives, and she could decide with whom she wanted to share the blog, and therefore a little of her, and keep it private from everyone else.

3. It allowed me to shield my kids and parents. I’ve decided to put myself out there. They have not. Imagine, “Mom! Like, I’m sooo embarrassed! OMG!”

4. What about work? I’m not a professional writer promoting a book or movie (yet… but I’m open to all inquiries). I’ve a day job and one where my private musings might be frowned upon.

But, I always knew that if it took off, if I did it right and with a touch of luck, I’d have to switch to my real name eventually.

Well, as luck would have it, this happened over a week ago. A reader of my blog was kind enough to send my post, Why I Hate the TSA over to her friend Noah Michelson, the editor at the Huffington Post Gay Voices. Thank you Dara at Fascinate Media for doing me this unbelievable solid! She’s a writer and a media guru. You can find her at dara@fascinatemedia.net. I’m looking for the first possible moment to buy Dara a drink.

Turns out, the HuffPost wanted to run my piece. I was OVER THE MOON when I heard. I could not believe it. The HuffPost has like 45,000 subscribers online. They are massive, and they loved the piece, but can’t run anonymous authors for policy reasons. “Do you have a good reason to be anonymous? Are you in any danger?” Noah asked politely. Well, I have 4 good reasons, but danger? I figure if Salman Rushdie can publish under his own name, then so can I. I still had worries about my kids, family, any femme I might date, and my job, so I got some input from my best bro, parents, and a lovely femme I’m … somewhat sweet on. Sssh, don’t tell her.

All agreed that I’d be crazy to pass up this opportunity. My parents are 100% fine with you all knowing who they are. My kids are tough and I’ll keep shielding them. And as for dating, I think I’ve decided not to. Or at least, Butch has decided to be a confirmed bachelor – if you get my, erm, her meaning. And, I need to protect that lovely femme… you know, in case she’s sweet on me, too.

So, it’s on. I told Noah and he was wonderful. The post went up five days ago and it’s been an absolute blur since. I’ve been in Tokyo for work. The schedule and time difference have made it almost impossible for me to keep up as I like to. Meaning, I usually reply to each tweet, comment and Facebook post (at least to acknowledge the commenter). I appreciate you all so much! But, as of now, the piece has 399 comments on HuffPo and y’all have been tweeting, sharing, and commenting in other ways like crazy. Sometimes life gets in the way of art.

I had to decide if I wanted to come out as Butch. Did I want to subject myself to scrutiny? Meh. Does it change the kinds of things I can post, tweet and comment on? Yes, perhaps. But I’ve been pretty aware of this since the start. So, I say bring it. I’m ready to come out … As Butch. Jaxon. I mean, everyone who knows me, knows I am butch, but not Butch Jaxon. That’s me in the photo up there, by the way. I mean, the blog photo is me too, but you can actually see me in today’s shot. Hi!

One thing I will say I wasn’t quite ready for (though I should’ve been) were the negative comments. With my blog, I’ve only had one critical comment which I dealt with happily and head on – indeed I got to choose to post it for you all to read. With twitter and FB, zero negativity. The audience is smaller and more organic, I guess. With HuffPost proudly featuring me on their main page, I got lots of new eyes and some didn’t like what they saw. That’s ok, though. Bound to happen. “Not everyone is going to like you,” I say to my kids.

As I ended the TSA post, it’s butch to be yourself – no matter the cost. Be Butch. And for me, that also means … Be Tristan.


Update: The Mayans WERE Wrong!

Just a celebratory note that the Mayans were wrong! We are all still here! Hooray. If I’d really been scared, really been sure the world was ending, then I would have to think that I’ve been given a new life. A brand new chance to make what I want of my life. Wouldn’t I? Shouldn’t we all?

Even though I wasn’t scared, and didn’t think the world was ending (did you?), I choose to receive the gift of a second chance, a new world, a new life. That doesn’t mean I don’t love the life I already have. On the contrary. I’m on the right path. That’s what my post (just before this one) reminded me of.

So, what do I want my new life to be defined by – be it well-entrenched in me or lacking? In no particular order…

  • Fun. People, places, events, shows, concerts, musicals, parties, events, experiences.
  • Adventure. Scuba diving, kayaking, mountain biking, DJ’ing, traveling the world, trying new foods, beers, everything.
  • Kids. I adore mine. My life is kid-friendly and I want to create a world where they can blossom while they are preparing for the world that’s more challenging.
  • Honesty. Integrity. Two of the most important words to me. My life is and will be defined by honesty and integrity. I will treat all I encounter with these two words in mind. If you are in my life, you will do the same.
  • Kindness. I want to be kind and I want kindness in those around me.
  • Health. I want to make healthy choices to create a healthy mind and body. I want to ward off disease with this attitude of health and the choices that accompany that attitude.
  • Excitement. Peace. Both are essential ingredients in my life. I crave and enjoy excitement. After the excitement, though, I need and appreciate peace and calm.
  • Joy. Laughter. As much and as often as possible.
  • Simplicity. As much as I want awesome trips to Paris, Cairo, the Johnstone Strait, and Phuket, I want to sit at home and play board games with my friends and family. Perhaps, Butchopoly?
  • Fitness & Strength. I want to be able to lift and pull and press lots of weight. But not to be lots of weight.
  • Appreciation. Gratitude. Living life to the absolute fullest – which includes feeling sorrow and loss when they are present – and always knowing that every day could be the end of the world for me or someone I adore. There are just too many examples to ignore this fact.
  • And, of course…Love. I want to share my life with someone beautiful and loving. A femme. She’s soft and sexy. She looks at me in such a special way that – err sorry. There’s lots more to write here, but just look at Wanted: Femme for Butch
  • Last, but not least…Worth. I want to be a person who is worthy of all these wonderful people and things.
  • The Mayans were wrong. I’m still here. You are still here. They were busy (a long time ago) preparing for the end of the world. Now it’s my turn to prepare for the rest of my life. How about you?

    It’s butch to aspire to be worthy. Be Butch.

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    I really hope the Mayans are wrong.

    mayan date

    Tonight, or maybe tomorrow night, is supposed to be the end of the world. What time zone does that happen in, by the way? I mean, it would already be the end of the world in Australia, right? The Mayans and the Facebook app Year-in-Review has got me to thinking. What was my year all about? If life as we know it is about to be over, how did I do this past year? Given my breakup, which you all know about (cue the sad face), there is no way that my year is not at least a little melancholy, but that aside. Here is what my year brought me.

    • Reconnecting with old friends: My HS reunion was this year. I helped to plan it in a small way, and I really enjoyed the planning, build up, event, and then aftermath of the event. Several of my closest friends from HS are once again my closest friends in life.
    • Body Changes: This year I have lost weight and fat, and gained a lot of strength, muscle and knowledge. Turns out that I love to lift! I now know about things like Green Vibrance and the difference between whey, soy, and egg white protein. My new body, still much progress to go, allows me more energy, less pain, and more confidence. So that’s cool.
    • Saw the World (or at least some more of it): This year I saw Rome, Pompeii, and Florence, Italy, Cannes and Marseilles, France, Barcelona and Sitges, Spain, and Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I’m so hooked that I’ve already planned my next international trip, and there will be as many more as I can swing.
    • Stateside Exploration: Charlotte, North Carolina, Santa Fe and Albuquerque New Mexico, Dallas, Texas, San Francisco, San Jose, Santa Barbara, Big Bear, Palm Springs, and Disneyland, California.
    • More musicals and comedians: Saw “The Book of Mormon” (raucously funny), “Wicked” (still my favorite musical), a taping of Chelsea Lately, Florence and the Machine, and Fortune Feimster several times (she is hilarious, go see her!)
    • On the Work front: Spearheaded my company’s participation in the Pride Parade and Festival for the third year in a row, helped to get a great score on the HRC Corporate Equality Index, made it through a round of layoffs (whew) and got all new clients at the end of the year.
    • Friends: I made a ton of new friends this year. I know FB does not equal real friends in and of itself, but still I added so many friends there and can think of handfuls of people that I love to spend time with – IRL. Friends, I appreciate you all so much.
    • Random: Tried red hair (short-lived), took a turn spinning as a DJ at Pride, swam with dolphins, remembered that I love to kayak and mountain bike.
    • Blog: This has been a force in my year. I started the blog just before the end of last year, but this year, wow. I’ve been picked up by the San Diego Gay & Lesbian News, Lesbian.com, reached over 500 followers on FB, and over 150 on Twitter. My blog was even featured on MyLesbianRadio.com. Wow! On WordPress, I have had more than 37,000 views! Tons of folks are following my blog, receiving emails when I post something, and tons of people comment, like the posts, and reach out to me about the blog. I am so thankful!
    • Recognition: For the first time in my life, I was given two different national awards. Both of them center on being an out and proud lesbian. I was overwhelmed, honored, and very proud.

    This year was nothing short of life changing. In several distinct ways, 4 to be exact – that I can think of.fb year in review

    • The international travel. It is really amazing to see the bigger picture of what life is about on this planet. To experience buildings that are older than my country. To meet people from other parts of the world who have such different, and wonderful, viewpoints. You cannot travel and not be changed – for the better – by what you see, hear, learn and experience.
    • My yoga retreat & adventure in Cabo San Lucas. Both were really amazing. So much so, that I didn’t talk about either on my blog. I keep my stuff basically to the funny – beer, fashion, quirks about femmes and us butches. I never reveal deep squishy stuff. On the yoga retreat I learned a lot about myself and it helped a great deal to prepare me for the rest of my year. My adventure to Cabo San Lucas was the same for me.
    • Becoming single. It’s been a long time since I was single, and I have been learning at light speed about myself. ‘Nuff said.
    • Strength. I have learned this year, through some solo travel, some difficult experiences, and lots of time in the gym that I can literally do anything. Walk down the street alone in a foreign country? Done. Renegade rows? Done. Pay for stuff in Euros? Of course. Climb the side of a mountain and then rappel 100 feet? You betcha! Come on Life, bring it. I am strong! Can you hear me roaring?

    Seriously, thank you for being with me this year. For those of you that were here all year, hooray! For those of you that are new, welcome!

    I really hope the Mayans are wrong. I am learning too much. Having way too much fun. I have so much more to do, see, learn, and experience for it to be the end of the world. I need time to get my game on, to try and be suave and charming, and *gulp* date. I’m not done yet! But if the Mayans are right, so be it. It was a great ride, and this year, in particular! If they are wrong, watch out!

    It’s butch to think back over your year and take stock. Be butch.


    Water Ballet. Yes. Ballet.

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    On my recent trip to Cabo San Lucas, I spent one dreadful hour doing something called “water aerobics.”

    I have never done “water aerobics” before. Indeed, I thought they were just for older people, much older. But, there I was drinking by the pool with my new lesbian friends – who are awesome, btw. Super awesome. Anyway, there I was drinking beer and mojitos (oh my god, the mojitos were to die for), and the cruise director lad announces that it’s time for “water aerobics.” I start to swim to my lounge chair and drink, when I realize that two of my new friends are in. My lesbian friends. The ones that I want to think I am cool. You know? You are on vacation and you meet new people that you like, and you think, I want to get along. Be easy going. Not all obstreperous and difficult. So, if they are in, maybe I should be.

    Plus, I’m drinking and eating on this trip. Sure, everyday there is lots of activity, exercise and adventure. But, a little extra cardio? Grab it! So, I decide that I am in. I stand next to my new friends and they don’t look uncomfortable. I do, of course.

    The music starts and I think, ok, maybe this will be ok. The music is good. The cruise instructor lad tells us to start bouncing – like running in place. Alright. I start to run. But soon there is some odd stretching and a bit of dancing. I think, hmmm, if this gets much more dancey, I might turn straight. Or, at least into Esther Williams. But, I said I was in, so I keep working at it.

    The music is good, but the moves make me feel lame. It’s not the cruise instructor’s fault; he’s a doll and good at his job. But still, I feel super lame. So, I decide to do what I do best, clown around and goof off. I start dancing like I am at a club – instead of doing the exact prescribed move. My friends laugh. I feel better. Other people in the class laugh. It’s like I’ve let them know that I am not comfortable waiving my arm in that super-feminine-more-like-drag-queen-way, but I want to stay with you, and they appreciate it.

    After that, it’s on. I do the moves I can do with ease, and those that are weird, I goof off. Making up new dance steps like I am Usher. I am amused. My friends seem engaged, and I am able to stay with the class. Get some exercise. Not be obstreperous. All is well.

    I kid you not that at the end of the class we all got into a circle and spun around with our legs up in the air. It was right out of an Esther Williams movie. OMG, my worst fears had been realized! Only, they hadn’t. By then, I was fine. I was having fun – doing the exercises and goofing off. Enjoying my new friends. By then, I was willing to feel foolish. And, I did feel foolish. But, I did it. I did the most lame, goofiest, drag-queeniest exercise hour ever. And, you know what? I had fun doing water ballet!

    It’s butch to try new things and feel uncomfortable – even in water ballet. Be Butch.

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    Cabin in the Woods

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    My actual cabin by the peaceful light of day.

    If a butch is butch in the woods and there is no one there to experience and witness her butchness, is she still butch?

    I recently went away on a yoga retreat and spent the weekend alone. I am pretty sure it’s the first time in my life that I went anywhere like that alone – on purpose (not for work, or to see family, or something like that). My thoughts around that and how empowering it was are for another blog. For now, let’s focus on an isolated cabin in the Santa Barbara Mountains.

    I’m alone. I’m a brisk 10-minute hike uphill away from the rest of the people here at the retreat. After I checked in at the lodge, I went to my cabin on a little John Deere cart – certainly a butch vehicle. Where can I get one of those? Anyway, I got into my cabin and immediately opened all of the windows to allow for maximum light and wind. The windows are those wind-out kind with a crank that are very popular in Florida. After unpacking, I take off for all points north (and by “north” I mean hiking way up the hill) and the retreat activities. On the trek to the lodge, I realize just how far away I am from the rest of the folks.

    I returned to my cabin in near blackness (but for my giant, very butch, Mag light) and got an even better feel for how isolated I was, after 11 that evening – tired and quite ready for bed. First order of business: close the windows. Second: make my bed. Third: go to sleep because yoga starts all over again at 7:30 in the morning. Well, I got stuck on the first order of business. I was able to close the first two windows easily. Twist and done. Then, the third window. It turns… and then it turns and turns, but the window, she is not moving. Uh-oh. I turn the crank a little harder (because as all good butches know, force is the way to fix things) and the crank comes off in my hand. What the?

    Ok, remember that it is after 11 at night. I’m tired. I did yoga, I meditated, I hiked down the hill in the near dark. I want to go to bed. And, it is cold. And, quite dark. And, I’m all by myself in a rickety little cabin in the woods. I think this is how slasher movies begin… Although I have never seen one; I hate scary movies.

    Alright, Butch, butch up now and figure this out. I whip out my buck knife and use it to screw the crank back on to the window. Good. Now I try to turn the crank again, but this time… nothing. Double uh-oh. Shoes on, out the door, I trudge over to the window in the dark with my Mag light and Buck knife and see if I can figure out what is wrong. Something must be stuck, or jammed, or the flux capacitor must not be working right. Not seeing a clock tower nearby, I decide that I need to fiddle with some things. Not really knowing what I am doing, I fiddle and then try not to run back inside. After all, it’s not butch to run inside like a little girl, but it was very dark and creepy out there now. Shoes off, back inside, over to the window and the crank does turn, but only to open the window wider. Great. I am actually losing ground. After confirming that the crank is on properly (I think), I put my shoes back on, grab my Mag light and head back out into the dark over to the window.

    I think I did this two or maybe three times. Each time getting a little more freaked out. It was cold, so I didn’t think I could handle sleeping with the window wide open. Plus, everyone knows that slashers can only come in through open windows. If I can get the window closed, the lights off, and all my body parts under the covers, I will be safe from all manner of evil.

    On my final trip outside, I realize that there is a little wheel at the base of the window arm and it is off the track. I was able to coax the wheel back into the track. I cannot tell if it will work from outside, but I keep a good thought as I sprint inside (no one saw me sprint, so it’s ok). Shoes off, back over to the window and hallelujah! The crank turns the right way, doesn’t fall off in my hands, and the window swings slowly inward. I let out a sigh of relief and hurry about the rest of my business to get safely in bed.

    So, this was very butch, no? In extreme conditions, under pressure (including a small amount of fear) and I was able to pull it together, to fix the mechanical thing standing between me and a peaceful night’s sleep – and the slashers. If my gorgeous fiancé had been there, I know she would have 1) expected me to be able to fix it, which I like, and 2) still been impressed that I had done so. But she wasn’t there. So, if a butch is very butch in the woods and there is no femme around to see her being butch, is she still butch? Hell, yes!

    It’s butch to fix things, in the dark, in the middle of the woods, without the proper tools. Be butch.


    Sweet Dreams in the Mediterranean

    Butch Jaxon 2012

    Anonymous gorgeous Sweeties carry the torch for Sweet Travel outside the Vatican.

    So this is part review, part travel journal, and part introduction. I am Butch Jaxon, intrepid entertainment lawyer by day, by night, lesbian blogger, lover of bow ties, breasts, movies, music (all kinds), bookstores, dogs, geocaching, Polar Bears, the gym, travel, craft beer, and my gorgeous fiancé. I write a tiny little blog over at ButchOnTap.com and I recently took a cruise to the Mediterranean with Sweet Travel. Never one to be at a loss for words, I am happy to share with all of you what I thought of the cruise and, more importantly to those of you reading this, what I thought of Sweet.

    Note: You are most likely a sharp lesbian and hip to current news and whatnot. As such, you know that one of the Sweet co-founders, Shannon Wentworth is also one of the founders of www.lesbian.com … where you might be reading this – unless you are on my site, in which case ignore this first two paragraphs! I am sure it will be no surprise to you that I have very good things to say about Sweet. You know what they say. If you have nothing nice to say, whisper. But I digress. You don’t know me. Read my blog and then you can decide how biased I am or not (not). By the way, I paid all official-like for our cruise and met the Sweet staff for the first time on board.

    1. Sweet & Sour: The Cruise

    The cruise we chose sailed from Barcelona, Spain, spent a day at sea, and then docked a day in each of the following ports and returned to Barca (as the locals call it) seven days later: Naples (for Pompeii), Civitavecchia (for Rome), Florence, Cannes, and Marseilles. First, a note about “cruising.” No, not that kind, what are we gay? I am told, like opera, people either love it or hate it. I loved it (as I do opera), so I guess that makes me a cruiser (again, not that kind). You board, unpack, do fun stuff, eat, drink, dance, go to sleep, and wake up in a new city. Seriously, that’s cool. No driving, trains, or stress in transit. This is a great way to go. If you’ve never tried it, do it! If you love it, send me a thank you thought; if not, well never mind.

    The Sweet cruise is a new thing – like a hot new sexy model, compared to the well-established, I’m sure cool in some similar and some different ways, older more mature Olivia cruise, or the also respectable R Family Vacations. Unlike its older competitors, Sweet does not book the whole boat (usually), but instead gathers a group of lesbians (a gaggle?) to travel together. This keeps the cost down. My research showed that Olivia costs quite a bit more than Sweet. So Sweet has its pluses and minuses. Plus: cheaper and you can do as little or as much with the group as you want. Minus: not surrounded by lesbians as far as the eye can see. This really is the crux of it. As one who gets stared at a lot (I’m a 5’10” butch lesbian with a Mohawk), I love the idea of being with all dykes, but not enough to pay a large premium for it. An interesting note from a “Sweetie” on the trip with us: she’d been on both Olivia and Sweet cruises and said that being surrounded by all the lesbians was freeing, but that she didn’t make the kind of connections with other women that she did on the Sweet cruise with us. There were 70 of us and I can tell you almost everyone’s name. I was already on Facebook with about 15 of the Sweeties before we had even gotten home. So, you decide.

    Alright, so we picked our cruise and signed up with Sweet. Easy. I paid for one of us at sign up and spread the other fare out over eight months. There was no fee to do that so why not keep my money? As the cruise got closer, we got lots of emails from Sweet laying out our excursion options. There was plenty of communication, and we always got quick replies from the Sweet staff (Shannon, Babs, and Julie) each time we sent an email.

    A note about Norwegian Cruise Lines: this is the partner that Sweet has chosen and for the most part, we were impressed. Their registration process was top-notch; they even mailed us luggage tags in advance. The embarkation and disembarkation (fancy ship words for getting on and off the boat, err, ship) process was very smooth and seamless. So, kudos. The ship is clean and huge with lots of floors, activities (a bowling alley, rock climbing wall, movies in one of the lounges, etc.), places to eat, a spa (which we didn’t use, so I can’t review), a well-appointed gym with a great view over the water, and an ice bar (mixed reviews). Top marks also to the NCL staff – 5 bow ties out of 5. Bottom marks, and not in a good way, to NCL for the food – only 1 bow tie out of 5. The only exception was the Teppanyaki place, outstanding, but we paid an upcharge. In fact, none of the good food was available without an up charge.  Cruising is supposed to be all-inclusive, except for drinks and shore excursions, not all-inclusive of crappy food. Fail to NCL on this point. Maybe Sweet can make some noise about this.

    2. A Sweet Deal: Excursions

    We made our selections through Sweet and registered for all three offered for Italy, and we were very glad we did. They booked up and not all who wanted to join could (boo). So, if you go, book these ASAP. Sweet set us up with fancy vans (comfy, A/C, one even had Wi-Fi) with great Italian drivers. There was chaos at each port while they tried to gather us all and horde us into vans, but I don’t think this can be helped.  Sweet’s Julie McCoy, Babs, took great care of us in the tours. She even called our cabin the night before to remind us of the details and meeting place. We were given a printed, updated itinerary on board of all the activities and it was very useful. Some were confused about the two dinner options nightly. One was standard and one was an upcharge. It was explained in earlier emails, but could be noted on the itinerary for ease.

    Butch Jaxon 2012

    Taken on a gorgeous day in Rome at the entrance to the Colosseum.

    Back to the tours. Fantastic. We saw a ton, didn’t have to plan, and got some free time. On our tours we saw Pompeii (particularly awesome for the GF who studied Latin for many years and learned about Pompeii), the Amalfi coast, and the cliff village of Sorrento. In Rome, we saw Circus Maximus, the Emperor’s Palace, the Colosseum, the Pantheon, Trevi Fountain, the Vatican Museum, the Basilica (including Michelangelo’s Pieta), and the Sistine Chapel. Our day in Rome was like our own private “Amazing Race” of sightseeing because of all the sites.  In Florence, we saw the Campo di Fiori (market), Michelangelo’s David, Ponto Vecchio, il Duomo, and the Piazza della Signoria. The excursions were a bit pricey, and you might be able to do better if you did it all yourselves, but unless you lived in a city for several years and know the lay of the land, who has time to do that? The convenience is well worth the cost.

    We did not do any organized excursions in France, correctly figuring that we would be too tired by then. Cannes is gorgeous, by the way, and we casually walked around. Marseilles was utterly unremarkable (whisper). The fact that we spent it with new, dear friends, however, made it a most memorable success for us. We laughed our asses off all day, but it would be a good day to stay on board and relax.

    3. Sweet Child of Mine: Charity

    It’s very cool that charity work and community service are important to Shannon. She tries to incorporate some of this in each trip. For example, on their inaugural cruise down the Mississippi to New Orleans, they planted 600 new grasses in the marsh after Hurricane Katrina. On this trip, we stopped and donated money, clothes, and toys to Italy’s oldest orphanage not run by the Vatican – a fact I appreciated – the Spedale degli Innocenti. It was really special to have a tour of the facility and to see how pleased the woman was who runs it. Side note, we thought it would be neat to get a book for my kids from their gift shop – donate to their cause and educate my kids about the efforts – so we grabbed one.  A few minutes later when we asked the driver to help us with the Italian because the GF was having some trouble translating, we learned that the book is literally gibberish, made up Italian words and sounds to allow creative play with Italian kids. It will not translate very well to mine. At least we supported the charity!

    4. Sweet New Friends

    We had so much fun doing the organized activities with the other Sweeties. The welcome mixer, dinner seatings, and happy hours were where we began to build friendships with other lesbians from around the world, including the US, Canada, England, Spain, and Turkey. After we made these connections, we were able to make non-Sweet plans to do things both on the ship and off with new friends. And, that we did.

    In particular there are a couple of standouts for us.  Participating in a marriage proposal right outside the Sistine Chapel (she said yes!) with our new buddies from Atlanta; ordering pizza delivered to the nightclub on board at 3 AM with some amazing over-educated folks from Boston; searching for cheap beach towels in Sitges with our friends from Arkansas; and laughing our way through Europe with “Our Brits.”

    Butch Jaxon, 2012

    In Marseille, France, at a bakery named after its owner, Fanny.

    We had so much fun comparing cultures and phrases. Did you know that “fanny” is a provocative and bad word in the UK? It’s the opposite of rear end here in the US, and every mention of the word by us brought peals of laughter and some blushing from Our Brits. Just for them, reading this – FANNY!

    Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

    We became so close with Our Brits that there were quite a few tears shed when they headed to the airport and we headed back into Barca. Even without a formal plan, all of the Sweeties left in Barca found our way to dinner together the next two nights. Friendships were cemented, emails exchanged, and photos shared.

    This trip was amazing for us, a really wonderful experience with a lifetime of memories. Sweet contributed a great deal to that with careful planning, knowledge of the area, good activities, and a committed staff. Thank you Sweet for a truly sweet vacation!

    It’s butch to be Sweet. Be Butch.


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