Tag Archives: Butch Fashion

Why You Should Buy a Butch a Bow Tie for Valentine’s Day

I’m excited to share that I am now in print. Actual print. Like, you can pick it up and read my article in your hands. On paper. A local magazine called Gay San Diego asked me to write a Valentine’s Day piece. About bow ties. Turns out I am the Feature on page 3, and listed on the front page. Very exciting. For those of you not in SD, here is the digital copy…

Gay San Diego

As I’ve said before, it’s butch to wear a bow tie. Be Butch.

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Hunting for Valentines: Interview with Kiyomi

 

Kiyomi is talented... and hot.

Kiyomi is talented… and hot.

 

I broke my interviewing cherry with Kiyomi McCloskey from Hunter Valentine. Now, don’t worry. I already know that I am not a journalist (surprise!), nor do I write for Rolling Stone, so I decided to just talk to Kiyomi — and, of course, ask questions that I thought people who read my blog would be interested in: things about beer, fashion, travel, dating, and being butch. If you want more of the “who’s your musical influence”-type questions, go check out Hunter Valentine’s website. Oh, and Google them, as many journalists do. Read the rest of this interview on the Huffington Post:

Hunting for Valentines: Interview with Kiyomi.

Let the Huffington Post know you like ButchOnTap

Let the Huffington Post know you like ButchOnTap

While you are there, would you please hit the “like” button next to my name at the top of the page? This is to like me as an author, rather than liking the particular article. Of course, you can do that too. ;o) Thank you!


Why I Love Butches

Recently, I asked all of you to share the reasons why you love butches. It was a really interesting list and some of you suggested that I needed to compile it and share. One note is that this was grammatically challenging. Most of these are tweets and so not full sentences, but I tried to edit as little as possible. I did make them readable outside of Twitter and Facebook, though, and even though they aren’t all complete sentences, I added periods. Also, I’ve never cursed in a post, but a few of these need the expletive, I think, so I have left them.  Well, here you go!

Oh, and if you are a baby butch, take note. It was mentioned on more than one occasion that some of you could use a few of these tips.

OUR HANDS & ARMS

  • Big, giant, strong hands to pick me up and fuck me. Number one reason.
  • Looking at her strong hands and knowing where they can take me…
  • Strong hands on the small of my back guiding me through a crowded room.
  • She runs her fingers through my hair, gently pulling my head back, and kisses my neck.
  • The contrast of her big rough hands on my smooth skin.
  • The way she holds me and the way she takes my hand in hers.
  • Butch hands, butch style, butch lips!
  • Arms strong enough to carry me to her bed, hands strong enough to pin my wrists even when I arch my back.
  • Strong hands that silently promise to always keep me safe.
  • The safety that can always be found in their big strong arms.

Butches: Femmes are loving how strong we are. Also, they notice our hands, so maybe keep them clean?

OUR FASHION

  • How amazing she looks in a 3 piece suit with a bow tie and how that bow tie comes in handy after dark.
  • How she looks in a made-to-measure three piece suit.
  • She’s not into suits, but she knows that you have a thing for them and so she wears them for you.
  • Suits and boobs!
  • A surprise trashy bra under her suit.
  • Purple dress shirts and vests.
  • Three words. Ties. Cufflinks. Vests.
  • Bow ties that I can untie…
  • French cuff dress shirts & cuff links.
  • Ties, button down shirts, blazers, belts, shoes, watches.
  • Ass kicking boots!
  • Short, well maintained hair.
  • Nothing quite as appealing as a dapper butch.

Butches: Get the picture here? There is major action to be gotten by dressing up, buttoning down, and tying that bow tie.

GENERAL

  • I like how how attentive she is when I make her breakfast.
  • When she let’s you ramble on and on about your day…and actually listens.
  • They use the word asshats to make sad femmes laugh out loud.
  • How intently she listens to me when I speak.
  • Her patience while I get ready.
  • When a straight man says, “why not date a real man?” I can say, anything you can do, she can do better!
  • They’re so smile-inducing to consider that I’d rather stay here typing why I love them, than finish getting ready &going to work this morning!
  • The softer side only shown in the safety and confidence of a loved one.
  • The dynamic that can only be shared between a butch and a femme.
  • Attentive, appreciative and creative..
  • The way she embraces the butch-femme dance in a way that respects us both.
  • The way butches interact with children when they think no one is watching: let go, act silly and carefree! *swoon*
  • Strong facial features with a hint of softness.

Butches: Listen, be patient, and let those lovely femmes see your softer side. Apparently, they like it. What a relief! It’s hard to be tough all the time.

PUPPIES (Yes, really.)

  • They get puppies for their little girls..
  • They give a puppy-less femme a late nite puppy fix.
  • She selflessly offers to share adorable puppy to serve as mascot.

Butches: If you can pull it off responsibly, there are points to be scored here.

SWAGGER

  • Confidence, because she’s out every moment & has to deal with things I never will.
  • Her unapologetic presence and self confidence.
  • Outward self confidence and undeniable presence.

I have to say that first one almost makes me cry. It’s true, and it’s exhausting. So nice to be appreciated for it.

CHIVALRY

  • Having a butch find out no one has ever bought you flowers before & them being more pissed off than you.
  • She is gallant enough to allow an inattentive femme to save face.
  • Old-school butch style, old-school butch manners.
  • The way she makes me feel like the only woman in the world worth noticing.
  • The silent possessiveness of her presence when we’re on a date.
  • Gentlebutch manners. Attentive. Femmes first.
  • How she opens the door for me, closes my car door, all those little things.
  • How she guides me with a hand on the small of my back as we walk.
  • I love butch gentlemanly attention, tenderness, tough demeanor, lovely manners to start…
  • The effort she makes to ensure I don’t get wet from puddles and the way she walks.
  • Chivalry in the most genuine and loving display.
  • The way she bravely kills the spiders while pretending they don’t terrify her.

I am so glad the femmes notice! Young butches: Open the doors for your femme – unless she tells you not to.

SEXY

  • Making her growl.
  • How your special butch knows just how to please you.
  • Knowing that submission is strength, not weakness.
  • How they blush when teased playfully by a femme.
  • Walking out in heels, corset, suspenders, stockings with red lips and her being left speechless.
  • Because they know how to put the biggest grin on your face, right before bed. *swoon*
  • The way she undresses me with her eyes.
  • Unexpected romantic streaks.
  • Her absolute need for me there and then…
  • How I can make her distracted by being girly & flirty.
  • Role playing :o)
  • When she pretends like we have never met and find that connection all over again every time.
  • How they always give a femme what she wants and needs.
  • They are super attentive and giving.
  • How I can get her cool facade to slip by being provocative. 
  • The way she makes me melt with a demanding kiss. 
  • The way she treats me with respect & charm, until we’re in the bedroom.
  • The look on their face when they realizing I’m packing under my skirt.
  • The way she bends down to gently remove my stilettos before giving me a massage. 
  • The way they please their lover!

Butches: Well done! We are sexy beasts! Keep up the good work, and the growling.

POWER

  • Big and strong to pin me down while she fucks me. 
  • When she ties me up with her bow tie.
  • The look on her face when she says “I may hurt you, but I’ll never harm you.” 
  • Obedience… *fanning myself* and the look in her eyes when she does submit.

Gulp. No comment.

SMELL

  • Butches are so intoxicating.
  • The way she reacts to my perfume.
  • The way their skin smells, even without cologne or body spray.

Butches: This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t shower. Keep it fresh.

And, my favorite comment was from JaJaButton: “Someone bring me ButchOnTap. Please? Yum. Butch is best.” Thanks JaJa! You made me blush.

Coming soon, the same inventory for Why I love Femmes. Given this list, it is obvious the femmes and sometimes butches love us for all that makes us butch. So, I guess that means that it’s Butch to Be Butch. Be Butch.


12 Steps to Being Butch, from the Huffington Post

12 Steps to Being Butch

Butch’s note: This blog post is meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Suffice it to say that I want to make you laugh. I do not mean to pass judgment on whoever you are, whatever your style may be (except for you over there in the ratty T-shirt and cargo shorts) or however you live your life. Now, that said, let me tell you how to be butch.

I know that you may be so delighted, so intrigued with my life experiences that you want to know how you, too, can be butch. You’re thinking, “You must have the secrets — and stat! If only there were an instruction manual.” Wait just a tick! I have found such a manual — which I have written! Read on for a step-by-step guide to being a proper butch.

1. Clothing

Go to your closet. Find every piece of women’s clothing. Throw it out. Well, OK, donate it, but it has got to go. You can’t look butch in a blouse, for chrissake. Shoes, too. Straps are out. Heels are OK if stacked or on a cowboy boot; otherwise, not so much. OK, jeans are good, always. Buy some vests; that will get you started. There are lots of more advanced rules, but I could write blog posts and blog posts about lesbian fashion alone. (Actually, I already have: See “Tipping the Velvet,” “Out of Pocket” and “Tie One On.” And there will be more. Fashion is fun to write about.)

Please go read the next 11 steps at the Huffington Post Gay Voices Blog. Don’t forget to like it, share it, and comment if you are so moved. Thank you for your support of me over there. Every time a fan likes and shares a piece at the HuffPo, an angel gets her wings – or, rather, a butch gets her magical bow tie. Of course, please feel free to comment here, too!


A Spotless Bowtie

Can you spot the bow tie?

Can you spot the bow tie?

When I was in Tokyo last month I had the privilege of visiting one of our factories. This is where my company makes some ridiculously sophisticated stuff. I mean, seriously. I could not possibly explain it. So, I was delighted to fly to a distant island in Japan and zip on into a special place where no lawyer has been able to go before. One small step for Butch Jaxon, One giant step for Butches everywhere.

This is one of those places where you cannot leave dirt, hair, sweat, or DNA. I had to wear a special suit to visit this “clean room” environment. This means that two women helped me into a hair net (which is bad for the hawk), face mask, special suit (with double cuffs at the arms and ankles), a ski mask like hood, and special booties. Oh so sexy. After getting into my E.T. or Monsters Inc. like outfit, I walked down a corridor filled with air hoses to blow off any remaining filth and into an air-locked chamber before entering the clean room. Wow. What a neat experience.

After the visit (I could tell you what I saw and learned but I’d have to kill you), as the same women were helping us out of our special sterile gear, our guide offered to take our picture. I knew I had to do it. I donned the gear again, and of course, added my special touch. Can you see it?

It’s butch to accessorize, even in the toughest environments, and with the ugliest outfits imaginable. Be Butch.


Three Lesbians Walk Into a Strip Club

Vegas' OG strip club

Vegas’ OG strip club

So, in my last post I left off with the statement, “Umm, how about a strip club?” Well…

Yes! We had a winner. Into a cab we piled and headed way off the strip to Olympic Gardens. I’ve never been here before, but it’s a bit of a Vegas institution. The bottom floor is women strippers, and the top is men. Something for everyone. As we got into cab, the bellman said, “OG.” I took it as a compliment. Yeah, we are original gangsters because – you know – we were rolling like that. LOL. I mean, really. Three white lesbians cocked and ready to go.  Oh yea.

No, Butch, you lame ass. That’s what they call the club. So, off to OG we “rolled.”

Now, I have been to plenty of strip clubs in my day. Enough to relax about it. But, being single. Being in Vegas. With good friends. I got excited. Like when you are about-to-board-a-roller-coaster excited. In we went, slightly (fairly?) intoxicated.

I imagine that a few of you reading this might never have been to a strip club – perish the thought! As I have written before, I am available to be your wingman or tour guide for such an outing. Or, better yet, take your girlfriend – that’s hot. In the meantime, allow me to set the stage – so to speak. I mean, you won’t find Butch dancing on any poles – at least not in public!

All the strip clubs I have been to are laid out the same. There is a long dark hallway leading up to the entrance. Some have a cover charge you’ll pay when you show your ID and others do not. If they do not, they might have a two drink minimum, or maybe not. OG has a cover. Once paid and our IDs were checked, we moved into the club proper, also dark, though lighter than the hallway. Usually near the door is a bar, and a cashier. Past that is the main body of the club. A stage in the center of the room, with a varying number of poles for dancers. Flanking the stage will be front row seats. Further back from the stage, you will find tables and chairs, and still further back in the shadows, you will find booths. Sometimes, there are also back rooms and curtained off areas. I would avoid those for sure – no matter how nice the club is. But of course, to each her own.

Our first stop was for singles from the cashier – I got a lot. Second, my friend has found the perfect spot by the stage. At OG, there are 4 poles on the stage, but it looks like at any given time on this evening, only one will be in use. I kid you not, that within one dancer (a set of three songs) of us being there, every stripper used the pole right in front of us. And, do you know why? Because we were a group of lesbians. Respectful, well-behaved lesbians. And we were all tipping. So politely, too. The strippers must have sent up a flare. “OVER HERE! Kind Lesbians who won’t grope you. Dance over here, Ladies!”

A lovely, hard-working woman on a pole. Do you know how hard this is to do?

A lovely, hard-working woman on a pole. Do you know how hard this is to do?

And they did. And we didn’t. Lesbians must be the most respectful audience at a strip club. Why? We love women, so we pay attention. We love women, so we are respectful and super appreciative of: 1) how hard it is to move like that, 2) how difficult it is to stay looking like that, and 3) how gross it must be to dance for straight men all day. Sorry, guys. You must admit that strip clubs are not your best environment. You kinda come here to let loose, right? And, drop those gentlemanly manners of yours. Well, I don’t think that’s true for lesbians. At least not for me, and not for my friends.

So, we had lots of dancers focused on us. Stopping by, dancing close, of course, to encourage us to tip. The first dancer who came up to me asks me if I am single, and I said yes. My friends aren’t, so guess who got the most attention? This lesbian right here. How much fun was this! Beautiful women dancing for me, expecting nothing other than I pay attention and keep slipping ones into the various strings that they are wearing solely for this purpose. I’m not leaving here with a stripper. I’m not heading into any back room. Right? So, all I have to do is enjoy the femme attention. Oh, and keep paying for it with that big stack of ones in front of me. Done.

Now, as butch as I am, and as much as I like to pretend that I am a player (did I say pretend?), I am quite embarrassed to actually deliver the ones. I want to tip because I appreciate their work, but I am afraid to touch them because that seems so disrespectful. Thus, I have to be told that it is indeed ok to slide the dollar bill into the dancers’ g-string, or even better, they explain, into the special snappy string that they are wearing underneath the g-string. Yikes. ["Umm, where should I put it?" "Wherever you like, honey!"] After a few tries, I got it down. One dancer actually said to me when I verbalized my hesitation, “Honey! We are strippers, grab away. If you’ve got a one for me, slide it wherever you like!” I’m pretty sure I blushed – because, you know, I am just (not) that cool.

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As long as I’ve got my suit and tie…

So, there I am. All dressed up (three piece navy blue suit, dress shirt, bow tie, cufflinks, etc.). With good friends. Drinking. And, having a procession of young, attractive women with lithe bodies doting on us and me. Sigh. Some of you will think me a pig, I realize, and that’s ok. I had fun and if you don’t like it, so be it.

I finally had the nerve to get a lap dance. First time in my life.  The dancer had come over almost as soon as we sat down and started chatting me up. As you do. Anyway, later in the evening, I decided to go for it. We headed over to one of those couches – remember the ones that are just past the tables and more in shadows?

There was a lot, a lot, of chatting at the start, something I’m sure is not normal with male patrons. The stripper told me all about her family and why she was dancing. Then she shifted to the main event and started to dance kind of around, in front, and over me. It lasted longer than I thought it would, even though I bought a second dance.

When I went back to my friends, they peppered me with questions. How was it? Was it worth it? How do you feel? Blushing, I am pretty sure, I answered that it was nice. Much more intimate than I expected, but not gross. I got roundly teased and then we all turned our attention back to the dancers on stage. Those ones won’t tip themselves!

As we left the club, that dancer ran up to me and gave me a hug. She was topless as she had just left the patron (male, natch) that she was with and came to say goodbye to us. I guess we left an impression on her and others. What with being polite, respectful, and good tippers. Plus, we stood out. A group of very tall lesbians, including a few Butches. Anyway, I was proud of our group, but I suspect that this would be the case with any posse of lesbos. We are just so different in this environment from our male counterparts, and these, dancers, erm, strippers (“Honey!”) appreciated us – or maybe just our ones. :o)

It’s very butch to hit a strip club, and even more butch to make sure you tip well and treat the dancers like angels (such a hard job…). Be Butch.


How Butch Are You?

Plenty of readers have asked me a variety of this question: How do I know if I am butch? How do I know if someone else is butch? Why don’t people know I am butch? Or, what about lesbians that look butch, but don’t identify as butch? “Well, she is wearing a vest, after all!” And, what about lesbians that identify as butch, but no one sees them as such? “You can’t be butch, you have a purse!”

As I am now clearly the worldwide expert on this (NOT!), I do feel compelled to try to answer. And, frankly, I am honoured (trying to appeal to my newly broadened audience with a more international spelling) that any of you would ask for my opinion. My hope is that this blog will start a lively conversation and that a LOT of you will comment on this post, adding your view and opinions to what I have to say. As I have said before, there are many ways to be butch, and there is no right way. And, it is definitely more than the clothes. That is just the wrapper on the yummy butchness inside.

It comes down to two things, IMHO

It comes down to two things, IMHO

Being butch, in my opinion, is about two things. How you see yourself and how others see you. Of course the first one is the only one that matters; but the second is important if you want to appear to the world in a way that is congruent with your view of yourself.

1.  How You See Yourself

Michelle Pfeiffer isn't butch just because you put her in a suit.

Michelle Pfeiffer isn’t butch just because you put her in a suit. And, meow!

So, how do you see yourself? Do you feel butch? Do you like the label, tag, or identification of butch? Does it feel like it fits you? That’s the crux. If you feel like a butch, but you wear dresses, good for you. If you feel like a femme, but wear only men’s suits and fantastic vests, good for you. You alone define yourself.

I spend a lot of time on my blog “defining” what it means to be butch, but this is always tongue in cheek. You can read some of these, like How to Be Butch* (http://wp.me/p27vDp-3W) and I am a Butch (http://wp.me/p27vDp-3W). I am simply defining what it means to me, and of course, trying to do it in a way that is amusing for all of you (or maybe most of you? Some of you?). For example, I don’t wear lipstick or makeup (except for eyeliner, which I call “guyliner”). I wear all men’s clothes. I have super short hair (a Mohawk, to be precise). I am bigger and taller than most of my friends, many men included. I like to be strong and want muscles. But that is just me. There are a tremendous variety of lesbians who are butch that would take exception to much of that. Again, it only matters how you see yourself. Do you feel butch?

2.  How Others See You

kd lang didn't become a femme when she put this dress on - my favorite song of hers, btw.

kd lang didn’t become a femme when she put this dress on – my favorite song of hers, btw.

As humans, we have a need to label and categorize ourselves and others. Yes, labels are bad. No one fits precisely into any one category, but don’t hate. You know it’s true. You walk down the street and you see someone, anyone, and you assess them in a split second. Safe, dangerous, attractive, ugly, straight, gay, athlete, lazy, rich, poor, smart, dumb. Translation: desirable or undesirable. Of course, the classifications are much more complex – a handsome, straight, well-educated, well-off, married man. And, so on. While you’re doing it, so is everyone else. Making judgments about you based solely on how you dress, walk, look, and talk. Most people probably see me and think, “There is a big, butch dyke.” [Note: To our ally readers, don’t use the word “dyke” unless your lesbian friend told you it was ok to use it, and then, only use it with her. It’s hate speech and with a butch, it might get you punched in the face.] I’d rather it was, “There is a handsome, dashing, well-educated, charming single butch.” We can all dream. How do people see you? Do your friends think you are butch? What does your mom think? Side note here, my 9-year old recently told a lady at Nordstrom that her mom is butch. I am lucky because the way I see myself lines up with the way others see me – as Über Butch. Whew.

The vast majority of lesbians that I know define themselves as neither butch nor femme. It is much more common to simply consider oneself a lesbian. There is a spectrum of lesbians. On one end of the spectrum are the most masculine lesbians who identify as butch – maybe 15% of the lesbian population. On the other far end of the spectrum are the most feminine lesbians – maybe 15%. But the vast majority of lesbians (70%) would fall somewhere in the middle. I am just picking numbers based on my experiences, no research or anything. This article needs citations!

I have no idea how Jillian Michaels defines herself. She might not look butch in those dresses, but her attitude and poise are hella butch. Hey girl!

I have no idea how Jillian Michaels defines herself. She might not look butch in those dresses, but her attitude and poise are hella butch. Hey girl!

3. But, Who Cares?

The bottom line is that there is no one way to be butch. For me, being butch means that I want to take care of the woman I love – to protect her. I want to be bigger and stronger. Sometimes when I am lifting, I want to pound my chest and roar (Jillian would probably approve). As dumb as that is, I want a woman who thinks it’s cute – or maybe even hot. I want to open the doors. I want her to wear heels, lipstick, dresses. But that’s just me! How about you? What makes you butch?

I would like to add that there are gobs of lesbians that are more butch than me, and I am good with that. Butches, we are good. No need to track me down in a bar, or (gulp) side street and challenge my butchness. You win! Please don’t come looking for me unless you want to grab a beer. If you are butcher than me, I will buy…

Some random blogger's shirt. Heh!

Some random blogger’s shirt. Heh!

I would also like to add that if any of you think you might be a femme, but aren’t sure and would like help figuring it out, come looking for me! I am available for consultations, including door opening, and roaring. We will get you through this – together.

It’s butch to define yourself. Be Butch.


I really hope the Mayans are wrong.

mayan date

Tonight, or maybe tomorrow night, is supposed to be the end of the world. What time zone does that happen in, by the way? I mean, it would already be the end of the world in Australia, right? The Mayans and the Facebook app Year-in-Review has got me to thinking. What was my year all about? If life as we know it is about to be over, how did I do this past year? Given my breakup, which you all know about (cue the sad face), there is no way that my year is not at least a little melancholy, but that aside. Here is what my year brought me.

  • Reconnecting with old friends: My HS reunion was this year. I helped to plan it in a small way, and I really enjoyed the planning, build up, event, and then aftermath of the event. Several of my closest friends from HS are once again my closest friends in life.
  • Body Changes: This year I have lost weight and fat, and gained a lot of strength, muscle and knowledge. Turns out that I love to lift! I now know about things like Green Vibrance and the difference between whey, soy, and egg white protein. My new body, still much progress to go, allows me more energy, less pain, and more confidence. So that’s cool.
  • Saw the World (or at least some more of it): This year I saw Rome, Pompeii, and Florence, Italy, Cannes and Marseilles, France, Barcelona and Sitges, Spain, and Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I’m so hooked that I’ve already planned my next international trip, and there will be as many more as I can swing.
  • Stateside Exploration: Charlotte, North Carolina, Santa Fe and Albuquerque New Mexico, Dallas, Texas, San Francisco, San Jose, Santa Barbara, Big Bear, Palm Springs, and Disneyland, California.
  • More musicals and comedians: Saw “The Book of Mormon” (raucously funny), “Wicked” (still my favorite musical), a taping of Chelsea Lately, Florence and the Machine, and Fortune Feimster several times (she is hilarious, go see her!)
  • On the Work front: Spearheaded my company’s participation in the Pride Parade and Festival for the third year in a row, helped to get a great score on the HRC Corporate Equality Index, made it through a round of layoffs (whew) and got all new clients at the end of the year.
  • Friends: I made a ton of new friends this year. I know FB does not equal real friends in and of itself, but still I added so many friends there and can think of handfuls of people that I love to spend time with – IRL. Friends, I appreciate you all so much.
  • Random: Tried red hair (short-lived), took a turn spinning as a DJ at Pride, swam with dolphins, remembered that I love to kayak and mountain bike.
  • Blog: This has been a force in my year. I started the blog just before the end of last year, but this year, wow. I’ve been picked up by the San Diego Gay & Lesbian News, Lesbian.com, reached over 500 followers on FB, and over 150 on Twitter. My blog was even featured on MyLesbianRadio.com. Wow! On WordPress, I have had more than 37,000 views! Tons of folks are following my blog, receiving emails when I post something, and tons of people comment, like the posts, and reach out to me about the blog. I am so thankful!
  • Recognition: For the first time in my life, I was given two different national awards. Both of them center on being an out and proud lesbian. I was overwhelmed, honored, and very proud.

This year was nothing short of life changing. In several distinct ways, 4 to be exact – that I can think of.fb year in review

  • The international travel. It is really amazing to see the bigger picture of what life is about on this planet. To experience buildings that are older than my country. To meet people from other parts of the world who have such different, and wonderful, viewpoints. You cannot travel and not be changed – for the better – by what you see, hear, learn and experience.
  • My yoga retreat & adventure in Cabo San Lucas. Both were really amazing. So much so, that I didn’t talk about either on my blog. I keep my stuff basically to the funny – beer, fashion, quirks about femmes and us butches. I never reveal deep squishy stuff. On the yoga retreat I learned a lot about myself and it helped a great deal to prepare me for the rest of my year. My adventure to Cabo San Lucas was the same for me.
  • Becoming single. It’s been a long time since I was single, and I have been learning at light speed about myself. ‘Nuff said.
  • Strength. I have learned this year, through some solo travel, some difficult experiences, and lots of time in the gym that I can literally do anything. Walk down the street alone in a foreign country? Done. Renegade rows? Done. Pay for stuff in Euros? Of course. Climb the side of a mountain and then rappel 100 feet? You betcha! Come on Life, bring it. I am strong! Can you hear me roaring?

Seriously, thank you for being with me this year. For those of you that were here all year, hooray! For those of you that are new, welcome!

I really hope the Mayans are wrong. I am learning too much. Having way too much fun. I have so much more to do, see, learn, and experience for it to be the end of the world. I need time to get my game on, to try and be suave and charming, and *gulp* date. I’m not done yet! But if the Mayans are right, so be it. It was a great ride, and this year, in particular! If they are wrong, watch out!

It’s butch to think back over your year and take stock. Be butch.


Finding Butch

I was inspired by my blog idol, Butch Wonders, to do a regular post about some of the funniest search terms that land people at my blog. After checking in with Butch Wonders, I am proud to proceed with my first edition of this. So, here are the top 10 oddest or most interesting search terms that lead folks to ButchOnTap last month:

  1. monopoly game on iphone wont let me resume my game what do i do – Turn off your phone. Look around you. The world is beautiful. Or, find a friend to play Monopoly with. Wouldn’t it be great if you could play Butchopoly?
  2. Can a fat butch be sexy?– Yes. Anyone can be sexy. The same rules apply to butches as to non-butches. Big or

    Image courtesy of heidihat.com

    small you can be hotter than hell, but not if you are wearing sweatpants … probably. There are always exceptions.

  3. do skinny jeans go with Mohawk – Everything goes with a Mohawk. Next?
  4. i look around and wonder and stare unknowingly how to stop – Oh my. I had no idea that “What are you looking at?” would pull in a lost soul like this. Step One: Go to the doctor. Step Two: Go see a therapist. Step Three: Perhaps stop playing Monopoly on your iphone? It might be reducing your attention span.
  5. i’m so ugly, should i become a big, butch lesbian? – NO! We don’t want you. Please pick another career or pursuit. Butch lesbians are hot.
  6. what does a kiss mean to a butch lesbian advice – The same thing that it means to a femme, a lesbian, a gay man, a straight woman, or a straight man. Depends on the kiss, of course, but doesn’t it usually mean, “Let’s go”? You are all free to come and kiss me and we can experiment to see if that is the correct interpretation… unless you are the person who asked the question in number 5.
  7. lesbian bow ties – Great! I didn’t know there were lesbian bow ties. I need to get some of those. So far, I just have a whole bunch of non-sexually identified bow ties.
  8. she is very big and strong – Why, thank you!
  9. makeup for butch – I don’t speak for every butch, but I think it is pretty safe to say on behalf of most of us, “Butch doesn’t care for any make up, unless it’s on a femme.” Oh, is that what you meant? Then, yes, please.
  10. i dont care what you say yes we are both lesbians butch but i do love her – Butches can be attracted to femmes, lesbians who are not identified as femmes, bois, and even other butches. Attraction isn’t about roles and correctness. It is about what you want and what feels good. So to the two “lesbians butch,” mazel tov.

Just Another Lesbian

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This morning I was dropping my kids off at school when I realized something. While walking back to my car, I saw myself through another mom’s eyes. I inhaled sharply as I realized that this morning, I look like just another lesbian. Meaning, stereotypically boyish/sloppy/casual.

I spend a fair amount of time talking about style and fashion, and challenging us butches to step it up a notch. Accordingly, I must turn myself in when I break all those rules, err, guidelines that I normally advocate.

Let me break it down, bottom to top:

1. Brown leather flip flops, by Reef. Bottle openers in the soles, natch.

2. Blue cotton cargo shorts, by Old Navy.

3. Grey t-shirt, slightly too big, untucked, by Life Is Good. Shudder. The cartoon on this gem is a tailgating Jake with a Jeep and a football. Add a rainbow flag to the Jeep and the football, and it’s a trifecta of the dyke stereotype.

4. Grey baseball cap covering up the morning flat mohawk, by Black Clover (albeit a strong hat worn stylishly askew).

5. No jewelry. No belt. No flair of any kind to tie it all together.

Yuck! Everything basically matches, of course, but the overall look? Not good. This is the lesbian equivalent of the straight mom dropping her kids off at school in her PJs. If you’ve ever dropped kids off, you have seen her. No makeup (or smeared eyeliner from the night before), hair in a scrunchy, PJ bottoms, tank top (probably pink), Uggs, and a Starbucks. Right?

For me, today’s outfit equals sweatpants, which I never leave the house in. Comfy, easy, practical, lazy. The furthest thing from stylish. Yes, sadly, today I contributed to the lesbian stereotype. I guess it happens sometimes.

But don’t worry – when I go out for drinks tonight, I will represent!

It’s butch to hold yourself accountable for how you look – even early in the morning. Be butch.


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