Alright, so I gotta vent. WTF is wrong with straight men? Now, boys, before you get all puffy-chested and start grabbing yourselves, let me say that I know that I am generalizing. But some of you, WTF? Allow me to explain.

You all know about me – big butch lesbian, and you all know about the gorgeous fiancé – petite, pretty, curvy, abfab femme. Right? So we are a couple. And everybody knows it. And, if someone doesn’t know right away, I introduce her as “my partner.” So, then they know. Cool?

We recently went to an event that was mostly straight people, with lots of alcohol. I looked very butch – surprise! She looked very femme (sexy blouse and heels, etc.). I expected to have fun, and we did for the most part. I did not expect to have to cockblock some of the straight guys.

First, there was a guy we knew who says to her “You are really cute.” So far, ok. She says, “Thanks.” But then he continues, “If you were straight, I would not stop hitting on you. What the hell. I’m just going to hit on you anyway.” Umm, what? The GF replies (a bit uncomfortable now). “Have you met, Butch?” He says, “Oh, I can take Butch.” Really? Had I heard him, I would have been the one puffing up my chest, getting in his face, with a stern NO YOU CAN’T. But I didn’t hear any of this.

I was upset when she told me a little bit later. She didn’t want me to do anything, and so I didn’t. Now, for those of you who’ve read my blog, you know that the gorgeous fiancé can take care of herself. She is a badass. But still, she’s tiny and pretty. Isn’t it my job to protect her? Isn’t this what a butch does?

Later, another guy we knew took a Guinness bar swag button (think the Easy button) and stuck it to one of her breasts. Yes, really. She was so shocked, she didn’t know what to do. She walked away and again told me shortly after. I was not to do anything. She didn’t want to cause a scene during an important event for me, and anyway, was this simply normal behavior in the straight world and were we overreacting?

There was also a lot of general lascivious staring and ogling. That’s fairly normal, as she definitely gets checked out. I notice it. The normal check out is alright, of course. What am I, a Neanderthal? An ape? No, I’m an evolved Butch. I know that this stuff is flattering to me. Sometimes I make eye contact with the ogling male and give him a good, “Yes, all that loveliness that you are appreciating? That’s for me. Not you. So suck it.”  But there’s definitely a line, and I don’t think that either of us really knows where to draw it.

We talked about it later that night and she reiterated that she really didn’t want to cause a scene or ruin the fun. So I listened to her and respected her wishes. It’s about her, after all, not me. But still, I can’t help but think that these guys would not have treated her in the same way if I were a guy standing next to her, as big as I am. Would they have?

Even if she was able to be Zen with it all, it got me thinking. Straight girls, how do you do it? This must happen a lot, right? You go out, you look good, and you get hit on. Straight guys, how do you do it?  Your wives and girlfriends must get hit on. What do you do?

If I were a straight guy, I would know what to do, right? I would be able to do the chuck-on-the-shoulder, dude-knock-it-off-move and the guy would get it. Do they teach you guys this early on? “Ok, dude, here is the protocol when your friend hits on your girlfriend…” I certainly didn’t get that training. If my gorgeous fiancé were straight, this would happen to her all the time and she would have developed a flawless approach to smoothly handling advances, complete with varying responses dependent on the severity of the sitch and the douchiness of the guy.

Neither of us has been given the playbook.

So, now that I have vented, I have some questions for you:

1.         Guys, do you behave like this?

2.         Guys, how do you handle it when someone hits on your girl?

3.         Do you think these guys would have treated my gorgeous fiancé in the same way if I were a dude?

4.         Butches, what do you do when a dude hits on your femme? How does your femme want you to react?

5.         Femmes, what do you do when someone hits on you? Do you want your butch to step in?

I must add, almost as a footnote, that I did tell the “if you were straight” that he needed to stop hitting on my fiancé. I said it very matter-of-factly. He tried to tell me that it was all in good fun (yes, we had loads of fun), he didn’t mean anything by it (unless of course she had indicated any interest), and it isn’t like he’s going to take her from me (that is certainly true). But, I stood my ground.

But was that the right thing to do? Too much, not enough? This butch needs guidance. It’s butch to have a hot femme fiancé who others find attractive. It’s also butch to keep from punching those who cross the line, wherever that line may be. Be Butch.