It’s time to discuss something big…me. I’m big. Not giant, but big. I’m going to round up and down slightly (so that people who know me won’t have my exact measurements), but you will get the point. Let’s say, hypothetically, that I am 5’11 feet tall and 210 pounds. That will give you a good idea of my size. [Of course, I am really taller and lighter than that.]
At 5’11, I am way taller than the average woman (5’4″), and a little taller than the average man (5’9 1/2″). Tall. I’m not much heavier than the average male with an average weight of 194, but I’ve got 40 pounds on the average woman. I am not meant to be small. I wear a size 10-11 men’s shoe for goodness sake. My finance and I joke that when I hold a regular beer (12 oz.), I look like a giant – as opposed to the 22 oz. craft beers that I am so fond of.
Yes, yes, Butch, but so what?
Well, I have been on a quest for about 4 years now to get smaller, healthier, and more fit. I have been successful because I have given up on my old way of doing things. You know, eating whatever I want and only doing activities that I enjoy (sitting on the couch watching football while eating Wings N’ Things). Perhaps you’ve been there? Now lots of gym time and no more Wings & Things for me, which makes my fiancé very happy because even the sight of the glowing orange wings gives her a stomach ache. <Sigh>
So, I am about 60 pounds down from my all-time high (woot woot!). Then, I was huge. Now I am big. Then I was a XXL or XXXL. Now I am an L in most things. Then, it was all about special clothing stores. Now, not so much. Point to it and I can shop there. Unless it’s AF. Nothing fits me there, but then, I’m not sure anything fits anyone there who does not resemble a frantic, desperate (skinny) 14-year old. But, I digress.
The thing is I like being big. I like being bigger than my fiancé. A lot. I like feeling like the big butch, the protective type. You know, the one who can scare away anyone who would harm her. The bigger, tougher one. Grrrrrr.
So, I have to wonder – am I keeping myself big to be more butch? I can logically think how dumb that is. I can logically work out that it’s better for me and my fiancé if I were a touch smaller than I am. Just a couple of sizes lighter.
Less weight on me = more healthy in every way. I want to be healthy. Wouldn’t I still be butch 30 pounds from now, leaner and more muscled? I mean, Rachel Maddow is butch-ish and she is lean! I think that I am finally getting this through my skull. Even if I lose all the rest of the weight that I intellectually know I need (and from the health charts am supposed) to lose, I will still be much bigger than my fiancé. She is tiny. So, I can be healthy and still be the big, strong, protective one.
It’s butch to be big and strong…and healthy and fit. Be butch.