Your Porn is Here

I think it’s safe to assume that porn is part of every man’s life. But how about us butches? Roll call…who reads porn? Do you indulge in a Playboy or Playgirl every now and then? To be clear, I do not mean with your partner. That kind of reading is different (and much sexier) than what we are talking about today. Solo reading. A little indulgence for you. Yes? I used to think my answer to this question was a firm, “No.”

Note: Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I just did not think it was me, until recently.

“Honey, your porn is here,” my fiancé said to me recently when she was opening our mail. Huh? Did I order something I don’t remember? I stared at her blankly (it is so hot to stare like an idiot), and she let her accusation hang there for a moment. She was clearly enjoying my stress, my confusion. “Your Maxim,” she said, tossing me the thin, glossy, unwrapped magazine – with a teasing smile. Maxim? Porn? I started to say, “That’s not porn,” but looked down at the cover as the words were forming in my mouth. There was a beautiful woman wearing nothing – almost nothing – holding onto a pole and looking back over her shoulder at the camera seductively. Her ass cheeks were on display in her ridiculously small bikini bottom (no top, of course).

Hmm, I guess that does kind of look like a Playboy cover. But wait! There are lots of cool articles, funny articles, and…lots more pictures of lovely, almost naked women. I looked at my beloved Maxim through my even more beloved fiancé’s eyes. “Nice try, Butch,” I thought. Through those eyes, there is no denying that Maxim borders on porn. Socially acceptable porn. The softest type of porn possible. But still porn.

After realizing this, I look at my favorite magazine a little differently. Now, at the gym, I feel a little self-conscious on the treadmill when I get to the center article. That’s the one with the two-page photo spread. But I really want to know her hometown and her favorite drink! What’s that? Can I name the woman from last month’s cover/centerfold? Hell, even this month’s? Um, no.

Well, I’m busted. Now I embrace the tease from her. In return, I say that her People magazine is her kind of porn. Celebrity gossip, you know? We have a good laugh. I appreciate that she lets me be me. I don’t have to apologize for it. She is too good to me.

Who out there reads Maxim? If it’s not Maxim, what is it for you? How does your girl feel about it?

Be yourself. Be butch.