Chosen Family… An Ode to “Snoopy”

Who knows what I mean when I say “chosen family?” These are people that you choose to think of and treat like family. You weren’t born with or adopted into them. You choose each other.

I am an only child. Ask any of my past girlfriends or my wife, they will tell you. “Butch is the quintessential only child.” Growing up without the benefit of a sibling is a drag. I see it with my mom – one of 4, my dad – one of 5, my wife – one of 2, and my kids.

Having a sibling may suck when you are young, but the benefits are legion. You learn how to share – everything. You learn how to take a joke, and a punch. You learn to handle competition. You grow up with a peer who will always love you, share your memories, team up against and love/hate your parents with you, and who understands where you come from. A different kind of family than us only children have. I can’t do anything about the fact that I am an only. Believe me. I would have preferred to have a brother or sister growing up, or 3. But I didn’t.

But I do have a chosen family. Let’s call her “Snoopy.”

Why Snoopy? You may have noticed that I don’t use the names of my family in posts. Friends, either. [Only one exception recently because she has a bigger social media presence than me and she wanted to share. So I used her first name. Normally, no.] So I asked my bestie, Can I write about you and, if so, what name should I use for you? She didn’t have anything handy so I made hilarious suggestions for her. Eventually she came up with “Snoopy,” perhaps to avoid being referred to as Tallulah, Gertrude, Delilah, or Guinevere (all of which I had gleefully offered as options). So, Snoopy, it is.

Snoopy is my (chosen) sister. Or, the closest thing I have ever, and I believe ever will have, had to a sister. Snoopy is my best friend. And sometime after that, she became part of my family. She loves me unconditionally. She gets me, on a visceral level. We have so much in common that it is scary.  Except she loves the Yankees. It was almost a deal breaker, but I already loved her too much when I found out. What are you going to do?

Seriously, even our moms have met and are like, wow, you two are pretty similar. My kids consider her an aunt. I think of her daughter as my niece. She was my Best Man and I was her Best Butch. We aren’t sisters, though. Indeed, Snoopy has her own siblings.

But Snoopy is the closest I will get. She listens to me. She calms me down when I am upset and helps me think through things. We have fun together, support each other. She does for me what family does. I know that if I need her, she will be there. I am talking about a ride-to-the-airport, watch-your-dog, unpack-your-kitchen, pick-your-kids-up-from-school-when-you-are-late, kind of friend. She told me a few years ago that she figured out I wasn’t used to having a friend I could ask for anything – like a sibling. She was right. It’s taken me time to be comfortable really asking her for help. But I have slowly realized she means it when she says,”How can I help?”

I’m pretty sure she gives me way more than I give her. I love you, Snoopy. Thank you for being my friend, my chosen family.

Even though she isn’t Butch, it is butch to treat someone like family when they aren’t. Be Butch.

6 thoughts on “Chosen Family… An Ode to “Snoopy”

  1. Ah, yes…there has always been Biological Family and right alongside is your sweet, wonderful magical Logical Family…and you know them the minute you meet…love it!!

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