I recently wrote about my friend Toni and her first self-tied bow tie. She was so excited she shared that with me in a text. She later called me her “Fairy GodButch” because I’d helped her a (little) bit with butch fashion. I helped her feel comfortable exploring all of her options. The outpouring of support for that post got me thinking … we are sorely lacking in Fairy GodButches.
Our younger or newly discovered Butches need some mentors – Butches who will help them know how to dress, how to behave like gentlemen. And, especially, how to be their butchest selves without recreating misogyny, male chauvinism, and feeding into traditional patriarchy. Those of you who read my work know that I am attracted to Femmes, that I like to hold the door open, take out the trash, lift the heavy stuff and handle the bugs. But not because my wife cannot do these things for herself. Because she likes when I take care of her that way. We are equals in all aspects. I don’t do “butch” things for her because she is weak or “less than.” I do them for her because it makes us both feel good. Key distinction.
Little girls typically learn how to cross their legs, sit, bend over (apparently you must squat, not bend), and dress for all manner of occasions. Little boys learn how to let girls go first, carry their books, reach things on high shelves for girls, match their belt to their shoes, tie a tie, and when to wear jeans, sandals or dress shoes. So too can Butches learn from other, more seasoned (ahem) Butches.
Why isn’t this happening all the time? Good question. I think it’s because Butches are weird about talking to other Butches. It’s like the big lions don’t like to hang out together on the Savannah. I don’t get that at all, by the way. We have so much in common. See me in the store or club? Smile. Give me a little head nod. Something. We will have a beer and discuss the proper pomade. It will be rad.
Don’t you think it is a good idea for Butches to help mentor other Butches? What you didn’t learn from your mom or dad, you can learn from one of us. Maybe I can help facilitate this. Here’s what I propose: if you are a Butch who has some sage advice to give, please send me a picture of you and a couple of sentences about you. Include 1) what part of the world you live in (really so we can get the timezone right), and 2) the one butch thing you are the most passionate about. For example: “I am ButchOnTap and I love bow ties and musicals. 1) Southern California 2) Being a proper gentleman.”
Once I gather enough, I will share in a new post. And then, let the Fairy GodButching (new verb) begin! Butches who are looking for butch guidance can contact whichever Fairy GodButch they feel an affinity for. What kinds of things might you learn from your Fairy GodButch? That is totally up to the two of you. Fashion, manners, dating etiquette, grooming tips, car repair, craft beer and whisky protocol, you name it.
Now, please, I do not in any way mean for this to be a dating or love connection thing. Don’t send me dating photos or want-ad sentences. I won’t share those. This is strictly a platonic Butch thing. Yeah, it’s a Butch thing.
Are you butch enough to be a Fairy? It’s butch to help other Butches. Be Butch.