What is “butch”, anyway?

Check out this great piece from my friend Searching4Self. What is “butch”, anyway?.


The 16 Butchest Movies of All Time

Need a handy list of movies to watch? Want to make sure you can communicate with the Butch in your life? I’m here to serve. 

The following is my selection for the Butchest movies of all time, in no particular order. Obviously, this is because I am a Butch and clearly a movie expert. Lol. Add your favorites in the comments.


1. Terminator - When Ahhnold takes that biker’s clothes, boots, and shades. Also, biker boots crushing red roses and Linda Hamilton. 
2. Jaws - I mean, clearly we are going to need a bigger list. Er, boat.
3. Alien – Sigourney Weaver in a wife beater, dirty and sweaty taking on that Mama Alien. Yes!
4. Raiders of the Lost Ark - What Butch doesn’t want to be Professor Jones? Digging in the dirt? A whip and a pistol? I mean, come on!
5. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid - The name alone would get it mentioned here (plus, great movie).
6. Batman – Normal dude, tuxedos, tons of money, best toys ever. Catching bad guys. 
7. Any James Bond – All those gadgets, cars, women. Bow ties. British accent. 
8. Godfather - Meh. That’s right, I said meh. Then why include it? Ask any Butch you know. It must make the list.
9. Ace Ventura - Like a glove. 94 minutes of brilliance. 
10. Bad Boys – whacha gonna do when they come for you? Plus, a Shelby Cobra, and Tia Leone with a gun. 
11. Silence of the Lambs - it has Jodi foster in it, so we will excuse the senseless scariness. What are we? Rocks?
12. Die Hard - Yippeekaiyay mother f*cker!
13. Big Hero 6 – What? Go ahead. I dare you.
14. Charlie’s Angels - Um, hot girls? Car chases? Explosions? Drew Barrymore kicking ass?

15. Star Wars - Whether you identify with Han Solo, Luke, or Darth Vader, this is about as Butch as it gets. Sword fights (with lasers), talking robots, high tech vehicles of every kind, spectacular explosions, and … Princess Leia. Sigh.
16. Lord of the Rings - Epic adventure, fears of daring do, being underestimated and succeeding against all odds. 
Did I forget your favorite? Let me know!
It’s Butch to make lists. Be Butch. 

14 Problems Only Butches and Femmes Who Love Them Understand

Today, I read a great list of problems only Butch lesbians understand. I laughed out loud. Many of you also enjoyed the list, judging by the plethora of comments. The author captured many of my Butch problems, but I couldn’t help myself. I thought of a few more. And, as a Butch who loves Femmes, mine are a little different.

So, go read Lane Moore’s post in Cosmopolitan – of all places – and then please see my humble additions below. 


1. Drink Umbrellas. You really want a mixed drink (rather than beer) but are afraid of what will come in or on your drink.
 
2. Parent Night at School. When your kid’s classmates ask if you are the mom “because you look more like the dad.”
 
3. She Looks Better In Your Clothes Than You Do. Actually, never mind.

 
4. Suitcases at Airports. You want to carry your bag and hers, but it’s a little too awkward. Plus, there’s the whole caveman stereotype.
 
5. That’s My Job. A cool new piece of furniture or technology gets delivered and you’re looking forward to putting it together when your girl grabs a boxcutter and is excited to get started.
 
6. When Your Mom Says You Look “So Pretty.” Or should I say “handsome”? Oh, honey, you know what I mean. (I do, Mom. 😜)
 
7. Getting Dressed. In anything other than casual attire. Until you decide the men’s section isn’t off limits, anyway.
 
8. Giant Boobs. Seriously. Why is it is #Butches seem to have the biggest racks? Girls would pay good money for racks like ours. Also, see number 6.
 
9. Tiffany. Betty Sue. Rebecca. Did you ever notice the Butches in your life have the girliest names? It’s so unfair.
 
10. Engagement Rings. You’ve bought her one. She said yes! Wait, why don’t you have a ring? Aren’t you excited? Well, I am, but I don’t want that big diamond hanging off my finger. What a hazard!
 
11. Manicures. Cut or file?, the lady asks. Cut. How short? Really short. Immediately conversation in another language happens. Followed by laughter.
 
12. You Miss The Pre-Lipstick Kiss. Your wife put her lipstick on and you missed your kiss. It’s going to be a long night before you get another chance.
 
13. Selfies. Hers are coy, playful, and sexy. Yours look like these.
 
Sigh. And here’s one more, special for me.
 
14. Butch or Bitch? When your wife is British and the two words sound a lot alike. What did she just call me?
 
It’s Butch to share lists of the funny things you experience as a Butch. Be Butch. 

Valentine’s Day Redux: How Not To Spend It Alone

This is an updated version of a post that first ran 2 years ago. It is as applicable today as it was then.

Attention butches!  This is a public service announcement for Valentine’s Day. What’s that, you say?  It’s almost two weeks away?  A whole 9 days?  No need to worry about that yet. You have plenty of time. WRONG!

Please allow me to give you some advice. Let me offer some tidbits I have learned while loving a femme. You need to get ready. NOW. Not 8 days from now, because your girl will know. How will she know?  I don’t know, but trust me they ALWAYS know. And you will feel the full wrath of your girl if you do not prepare.

A special note for you married butches: Do not assume Valentines Day does not apply to you anymore. Sure, you aren’t doing a full court press as you were when you were dating, but you still love her, right? You still want her to feel special, right? This applies to you, too.

Ok, first do not tell me that she is the kind of woman who doesn’t care about Valentine’s Day. Its simply not true. Even if you have heard her say one or more of the following:

1. I don’t care about Valentine’s Day

2. I don’t need anything special

3. I don’t want you to go to any trouble

4. I don’t want you to spend too much money

5. It’s just a stupid Hallmark holiday

6. Flowers are a waste of money; they just die

7. I don’t need any more jewelry

8. Who needs chocolate and teddy bears

These are lies. All lies. Every single one of them. Do not believe her!  Why does she say these things if she doesn’t mean them?  Well, apart from her being a femme, you mean?  I don’t know. Why do femmes say most of what they say?  It could be that she is trying to convince herself of any one of these statements. Perhaps she knows from past experience that you will let her down and she is preparing herself to lessen the blow when another Valentine’s Day comes and goes and she is left with a meaningless card and a lame little teddy bear from 7-11. Whatever the reason, ignore her.

Hopefully, I have convinced you that you must do something – that you must decide on a plan of action and put it in play now.  If so, you may be thinking, “Butch, what should I do?” Read on.

The bad news is that there is not one size that fits all women.  The good news is there are lots of great options and they can be divided into 7 easy-to-understand categories. Fit it into one of these, and you will be golden. Note that only a couple are expensive; at least four of these can be affordable, so not being loaded is no excuse to neglect your femme on Valentine’s Day.  Unless you want to be neglected, that is.

1. Thoughtful. Think mushy. Put together a collage of ticket stubs from shows you’ve been to together, throw in a matchbook from a place you ate at that she loved. What’s that you say?  It looks like crap?  Doesn’t matter. Gather a bunch of papers and little mementos from your life together this past year, glue it on construction paper around a picture of the two of you and she will positively swoon. You’ll see. You can also add the high value presentation gifts here from places like Shutterfly and Moonpig. These websites let you upload your photos, type your message, add as much flash as you like, and presto! They will create a customized card, poster, t-shirt, you name it for you. You’ll need to expedite shipping now – so hurry.

2.  Hard. Intricate or detailed works, too. Create a scavenger hunt to take her to all of your favorite couple’s spots around town.  Recreate the first date you had. Take her to the same restaurant with the same walk on the beach.  Or, order in the same food, and rent the movie you saw on that first date or the day you asked her to marry you.  Take the time to set the table.  It is crazy how much women love a set table.  If you drop a few candy hearts or flower petals on the table, watch out!  Find that special kind of cookie/champagne/cheese/liverwurst (if she loves it, who cares what it is?) that you had on your honeymoon/first date/trip to Scotland, and order it online. You need time for this to be delivered. This will tell her: a) you pay attention enough to know she likes ____, b) you took the time to order it especially for her, and c) you love her enough to plan ahead. Yes, planning = love.  Do not try to make too much sense out of it, just trust me.

3. Expensive.  Buy her something amazing – something she wants. Diamonds.  Silver.  Pearls.  Think Nicole Kidman from Moulin Rouge and you will be on the right track.  Please, please, please do NOT buy her expensive lingerie from La Perla – unless she has asked for this. That is a gift for you. How happy would you be if your girl gave you sexy lingerie that she would wear for you?  Right?  So that’s not your gift to her.  Think jewelry, a trip somewhere, perfume, shoes, a nice bag – all good choices.  Clothes: do not buy clothes. Unless she tells you EXACTLY what to get, you run the risk of buying something she hates, or buying her the wrong size. You really cannot win here.  Too small?  “What the hell makes you think I can fit into that? If you’re looking for a woman this skinny, why are you with me?”  Too big? “Just exactly how fat do you think I am?”  Or for either, the worst is, “You don’t know me at all!”  No, no clothes.

4. Flashy or Showy.  This is where flowers fall – at least if you have them sent to her work.  Remember that one of the best things about Valentine’s Day is being able to show off your butch or guy.  Flowers at work say to all of her coworkers, “I have someone who loves me enough to send me flowers.”  Translation, my butch is better than yours.  Send a giant bouquet of flowers to her office so she can show you off.  Roses are great if she likes them, but they are really expensive this time of year, so if she loves another flower, send those.  It will look creative and save you some cash.  Do not leave the card up to the college kid at the flower shop.  Put something on there that will make her smile or show her you love her.  Don’t worry about the college kid writing it down.  He isn’t trying to keep your woman happy, so who cares what he thinks?

5. The Event.  Drinks.  Dinner.  A club (even dancing, gasp!).  A movie at the fancy theater, museum, or exhibit that she has been looking forward to seeing.  Note that you can earn extra points and make her feel extra special by doing something that you do not want to do.  Think indie film, chick flick, an exhibit on purses throughout the ages, a flower show … you get the idea.  Or, by getting you into somewhere that is difficult – the “it” restaurant or club.  Plan ahead and get a table.  Remember, planning = love.

6. Manual Labor.  Yes, that’s right.  Along the lines of “The Event” category, do some things for her that you hate to do.  Do the dishes, put away the laundry, clean the house – all before she gets home from work.  Tell her that you are taking her car that morning and go have it serviced and detailed for her.  There are probably a slew of things that your woman would be ecstatic about if you did them for her.  This does not mean that you can do something dude-like that you should already have been doing and call it a Valentine’s Day present.  Do not  unload the dishwasher or clear the table, or for guys, put down the toilet seat, and announce that as your gift.  Poof! Now you’re single.

7. Pampering.  Think manicures, pedicures and massages.  Give her a gift certificate to the spa for the day.  Or… paint her toenails yourself.  I promise that if you rub her feet and then do this for her, she will melt.  Also, a massage is fool-proof.  Tell her that her gift is a massage, and that you do not expect one in return.  Then go all out.  Light candles, turn on music, and give the massage.  Extra touches are key.  Remember, she needs to feel special.  The harder it is for you and the more awkward that you feel doing it, the better!

So pick one of these 7 categories – at least one. More than one is platinum. You have to make her feel special. Girls need to know that you thought hard, planned carefully, or spent a lot of time or money on them.  No matter which of the above options you choose, you MUST write a card. Do not rely on the pre-printed text alone, even if you think it says exactly what you want to say, only better than you would say it. Sure, the card itself is important, so choose wisely. Stick with romantic or cute – make sure it’s not for your grandmother.  But add your own spin to it.  Love her eyes? Great, tell her.  Love her body?  Only tell her that if you add stuff about her heart and mind, too.  She doesn’t think purely physical, so neither should you.

Ignore me at your peril. Butches and straight guys:  take care of your woman if you want her, and therefore you, to be happy.  She might want totally different things than you do, but that’s part of why you love her.  A card and little teddy bear from 7-11 says exactly what you do not want to say — I did not have time/love you enough/care enough to do something special for you.  Get your act together and show her how much you love her!  And, if your woman sent you this post, you better take note, get busy and use this as a checklist.

Prove how butch you are by showing her how much you love her.  Want to make sure that you do not end up alone on Valentine’s Day?  It’s up to you.

It’s butch to make your femme feel really special on Valentine’s Day. Be butch.


Christina Perri at The Dinah!

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/301/31342575/files/2015/01/img_2346.jpgPop music’s queen of romance, Christina Perri is slated to headline Club Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend’s 25th Anniversary (April 1-5, 2015)!

Perri, the singer/songwriter behind “Jar of Hearts” and “A Thousand Years”, is the latest major recording artist to proudly add Palm Springs’ iconic Dinah Shore Weekend to her touring resume.

She will deliver an exclusive live concert just before the “White Party”at the Palm Springs Convention Center on Friday, April 3, 2015.

“Christina Perri’s love song, A Thousand Years, is one of the great ballads of this decade and a song that our community has embraced. She also happens to be incredible in concert so our guests are in for a full-blown treat. Her fan base is broad and she is one of our more established artists so we are expecting record attendance. Her concert is followed up with The White Party, our signature Friday night event so it’s going to be an action packed night”, says Mariah Hanson, founder and producer of Club Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend.

The twenty-eight year old Philadelphia native’s career has been on a meteoric path since her defiant breakup anthem called “Jar of Hearts” was used on Fox’s TV show: “So You Think You Can Dance.” The breakout single was success on a stratospheric scale, instantly catapulting Christina Perri into the public eye and earning her the coveted iTunes’ “Breakthrough Pop Artist of 2011” title.

More than 100,000 fans downloaded the pop ballad allowing Perri, the then manager at a Beverly Hills Café, to not only crack the Billboard Top 40 two weeks after debuting the song on the show, but also snatch a deal with Atlantic records.

Perri followed with the 4x-platinum single “A Thousand Years”, written and recorded for the film: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1&2”, which famously zoomed into orbit selling over 4 million copies in the United Sates. Perri then released her first album, produced by GRAMMY®-winning producer Joe Chiccarelli (The White Stripes, My Morning Jacket), which entered the Billboard 200 among the top 5 upon its initial release.

Now riding a wave of success since “Jar of Hearts”, Perri is on an international tour in support of her commercially successful sophomore album “Head or Heart”, a collection of cathartic songs and powerhouse vocals released in the spring of 2014, led by the album’s buoyant first single “Human”.

Christina Perri recorded with Butch Walker, John Hill and Martin Johnson, toured with Demi Lovato on her Demi World Tour, performed at the Los Angeles’s iconic Hollywood Bowl with Jason Mraz and will now perform for a sold out crowd at The Dinah – the largest lesbian event in the world – in celebration of the event’s epic 25th Anniversary (april 1-5, 2015).

For more information and/or to purchase tickets go to: http://www.TheDinah.com

The Dinah 2015’s headliners are Christina Perri and Meghan Trainor. Other live performances confirmed to date include pop music’s new “it” girls Bebe Rexha and Ivy Levan. Stay tuned for more talent announcements.


Crying Like a Butch

Tonight, my wife made me watch … The Notebook. Yes, made me.
/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/301/31342575/files/2015/01/img_2326.jpgI am recovering from foot surgery and not very mobile. So, I’m propped up in a chair wincing occasionally while she whirlwinds around me taking care of our life. She’s busy taking down and putting away Christmas decorations, doing the dishes, washing and folding laundry, feeding our cats, tidying up, taking out the trash, etc.

She plops down on the couch every now and then to watch. The fact that she is working so damn hard and I can help so little seals my lips against any protest to her movie choice.

I would rather wash my car, at night, in freezing temperatures, than watch the quintessential chick flick, The Notebook. I’m not a huge fan of chick flicks. Big surprise, I know.

But, she’s working her ass off taking care of me and all of our business. And, if your wife says you are watching a certain movie, then you will watch it. So, I am watching. My wife, on the other hand, doesn’t really watch. Too busy.

Late in the movie, but not the end, I start to cry. Yup. I’m watching a chick flick and I am a chick starting to cry. I don’t try to hide it. Then the movie ends and I cry more. A lot more. My wife has come back for the end, so we sit there together – me balling and she tearing up. She looks at me and we start to giggle.

Big ol’ Butch balling her eyes out. We laugh and she says, “I guess you have your next post.” I reply, “But that means I have to out myself?” Yeah.

It’s Butch to watch chick flicks if your wife tells you to, even if that means you get a good cry. Be Butch.


#12DaysofButch

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/301/31342575/files/2014/12/img_2224.jpgWhat did you get for Christmas or Hanukkah? I’ve started a new hashtag over on Twitter and Facebook sharing one rad Butch gift I got this year a day for twelve days. Just a little post-holiday fun, or possibly a nice list for the Butch in your life for any gifting occasion.

I will post all twelve of the Butch gifts here afterwards. In the meantime, I thought it would be fun to see what your coolest gifts were this year. Note that I am only focusing on things – rather than homemade or experience gifts. We all know those are the very best gifts to receive, but they are also personal and hard to replicate.

I’ll gather the twelve I like best and share them in a new post.

If you’d like to share with me and the BOTs, comment below, email me (ButchOnTap@gmail.com), tweet it to me (@ButchOnTap), or post it to me over on Facebook. If you send it to me, you are giving me permission to share.

I hope you had an awesome Christmas or Hanukkah. It’s Butch to celebrate. Be Butch!


Glad You Reached Out

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/301/31342575/files/2014/12/img_2101.jpgRecovering from painful surgery is tough. Needing help with everything is so hard. My wife is amazing, my kids are thoughtful and my family and friends are fantastic. But, it’s still really, really hard to be in pain and need so much.

Plus, pain meds make me contemplative (when not knocking me out). So I’m lying here overthinking things…

Think about how hard it is to ask for help on a good day. Do you yell out to ask someone to hold the elevator? Accept the grocery clerk’s offer of help to your car? Let someone know you really do need help putting up that ceiling fan? If you are like most Americans, I doubt it.

I add “Americans” here not because I think this is in anyway a unique American experience. I add it here simply because I’ve no idea how the rest of the world works in this regard and I wouldn’t want to assume that people of all nations are as awful as Americans are about asking for, and accepting, help. Also, note I said asking for and accepting help. Not offering. I think most of us are genuine and sincere in our offers to help. There are lots of offers. So, why do we have so much trouble accepting those offers?

I’m not new to needing more help than I’d like. But since Friday, it’s a fresh round of full time need. I had foot surgery (to fuse a very painful, arthritic joint in my foot), and cannot put any weight on my left foot. I have a big splint on it just now to allow the swelling to go down before getting my cast. Then it’s 6 weeks non-weight bearing, followed by another long chunk of time in a walking boot.

That means I am hobbling around on crutches, with a giant lump of a splint making me unbalanced. Add to that the constant pain meds to manage the pain and I’m like a teetering top. I need help with everything. Dressing, eating, maneuvering, you name it. Yes, getting to the toilet. Plus, my legs are bad in general so it’s a little hard for me to drop down to sitting using only my right leg and to launch myself back up. Sigh.

My wife is ever ready and present with strong, warm arms to help me. She arranged her life just so she could come home from many months away to be here for the surgery and to help me. So, why is it so hard to accept her help? When she breathes a deep sigh, why do I worry I’m too much for her, instead of gathering that’s she’s tired, or has many things on her mind?

I don’t know.

Yesterday, my wife took my son out for some special birthday time. We knew I wasn’t ready to be alone yet for an afternoon and so I asked my best friend if she would come and hang out with me and my daughter while my wife and son went out. “Glad you reached out,” she said first, and yes, of course she was available. Perfect answer to prove my theory here. We need help; we need to ask for it; and those who love us will be happy to give the help we need.

My mom says it’s really hard for her clients to ask for help. [I know my mom would have totally made herself available, but I knew she had client meetings all afternoon.] She also says that it is really important for us to ask. Why? Because we all have family and friends ready to help us with whatever need we have, but we don’t let them in. When we ask for help, we give the people we ask the chance to Do Something. To care for us. To make it better in some small or big way. Those things make people feel better. So, instead of saying: “Kind of you to offer, but now, we don’t need anything,” consider saying: “Yes, please bring us a casserole.” Maybe you’ll get 7 casseroles, but, can you really ever have to many?

Doing things – big or small – for someone you love makes you feel good. Does this mean it’s magically easy for me to ask my wife to walk me to the toilet? No. But, I try hard to remember she wants to help. Helping me probably makes her feel good. I love it when a friend or family member asks me for help with something and I can give it. I need to remember that when someone offers a hand to help me up.

And I am guessing, so do you. I’ve said this before, it’s Butch to ask for help when you need it. Be Butch!/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/301/31342575/files/2014/12/img_2096.jpg


An Interview with Sofia: John Mayer Meets kd lang

I am reprinting on my blog from the Huffington Post.
/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/301/31342575/files/2014/12/img_2082.jpgI recently sat down with up-and-coming singer-songwriter Sofia. We had so much fun talking that I lost myself in a few places. What? I’m not a professional journalist. I am a butch lawyer who writes a blog, and I can count on one hand how many times I have actually sat down with another butch. What follows is (most of) our conversation.

Tell me about yourself.

I’m 23. Half-Venezuelan and half-Lebanese. I was raised in London and lived in Venezuela until I was 5, in Caracas, the capital. I am very passionate about cultures and mixing them. Cultures of the world. I am very much about peace. That’s what I was raised in. I want to promote peace. I’ve been into music my whole life. Started violin when I was 5, singing when I was 13. By the time I was 15, I was writing my own songs. My dad is literally the best guitarist I’ve ever known. [In high school I] went to the five-week program at Berklee College of Music in Boston. I was a songwriting major [at Berklee]. I’ve never been to California. I’d love to do a West Coast tour and hit all the places in California. I really want to play in New Orleans. I went there for the first time for BUKU Music + Art Fest. I went with my friend Avery, and it was like a mental-health trip. “Let’s go to NOLA and have fun!” We made friends with everyone — the waitresses at the beignet shop. I read that it’s the most dangerous city in the world, but I felt safe and comfortable there — more than anywhere in the U.S. I’m Venezuelan and Lebanese, so it takes a lot to scare me. It is really a blessing to have an English passport.

I sometimes feel it’s a curse to have an American passport, I’ll tell you!

But the U.S. is the center of the music world. Freedom of speech, protests. There is a huge international community at Berklee. Everyone is from somewhere else, but everyone wants to be in the U.S. And Boston, though it’s bloody cold, is amazing. When I was really sick, I didn’t think I was going to make it. I was stuck in Boston with my mom.

Please explain your struggles with Crohn’s.

I was at Berklee and had to withdraw from the semester because I started getting fevers every day. I was hospitalized a bunch of times in a couple of months. Three blood clots were found in my spleen because my immune system was so compromised, so I had to inject myself with blood thinners for about three months. Things escalated so much that I started to bleed internally and had to have like seven bags of blood in a week. I went back to school the next semester and somehow managed to graduate on time. It meant so much to me to be there at Berklee. I had a scholarship and was so grateful to be there, so I kept going even though it got really tough sometimes.

It was after I got sick when I wrote “Mum I Like a Girl.” I came in second in the “Songs for Social Change” competition, and it was the first time in my life I had ever won an award for a song I’d written. So in a sense it felt like I was overcoming my health battle with music.

I inject myself every two weeks with an immune suppressant called Humira. It saved my life. Crohn’s can be a really scary process; it’s almost like having cancer, but it’s not cancer. They use similar terminology: “in remission,” “no appetite,” “nausea.” And I have a high risk of cancer in the future. It’s really a crazy disease to have. I try to speak to my best friend Avery, who struggles worse than me, every day, and her experiences really gives me a lot of strength. It is hard to want to do anything and stay positive, but we do because we know that there are kids as young as 8 who get this. That’s why it’s important that we make it more accessible to talk about stomach problems and make it more comfortable to talk about food issues, including irritable bowel diseases. We would help a lot of people to feel more comfortable with the fact that there is nothing wrong with you. You just have a disease!

Who are your musical influences? Pretend I am from Rolling Stone.

I grew up listening to Eric Clapton and Bryan Adams. My mom loved to play Elvis and Harry Belafonte. Embarrassing albums too, like the Spice Girls. I love what Eric Clapton does because of his smoky element and yet his own stuff added. I went to school and decided, “I want to be just like John Mayer.”

Have you been compared to him?

Yes! … I like how emotional he is and how vulnerable he can be. I struggle with that when I am writing. I get writer’s block because I worry about being emotional. I am also a huge fan of Tegan and Sara, but I think I am late in the game. When I was in school, my mentor was Melissa Ferrick. Do you know her?

No.

She is a big advocate for LGBT musicians. Check her out; she is amazing.

Do you identify as a butch lesbian?

I do. I used to be very feminine. I used to have really long hair. I looked quite feminine. It took me a long time to feel comfortable dressing this way. I think Ellen is one of the coolest people in the world, and yes, I do want to dress like her. I do want to dress like Kate Moennig from The L Word. I don’t know if you know that lots of Venezuelan women have won the Miss World pageant. George Clooney just married a Lebanese woman.

Do you feel more pressure or scrutiny because you are Venezuelan and Lebanese?

Definitely. People say, “Gosh, you are so beautiful! Why would you dress this way?” I felt like I was in drag when I dressed like a woman is supposed to. But I get flattered when people call me “sir”! I secretly wanted to be more androgynous than I was. I get “sir’d” a lot more in the UK than in the U.S. Maybe because here we wear more skinny jeans. I didn’t expect that. But it’s amazing to come home to London and have people say to me, “You look like yourself now.”

Where do you see yourself this time next year?

Gosh, that is a really good question. I have absolutely no idea. I would love to be on tour. In just over a year, I will be releasing the next album. It usually takes about a year to get everything together. My goal right now is to get to play all over the world. I love to travel. I love different cultures. Music brings everyone together.

Do you have any pets that you will have to leave when you go on tour?

I have a dachshund, and her name is Cashmere. Ironic because we spell it like the fabric rather than the [place].

Like Adele?

I met her! And her dog! I worked at her label and had the chance to eat lunch with her. I’ve got a big crush on her.

Ready for the lightning round? Just one-word answers. No explanation needed. Blondes or brunettes?

That’s really really hard. Blondes.

Cake or pie?

Cake.

Boots or trainers?

Trainers.

Movies or television?

Movies. My favorite is A Beautiful Mind.

Snow or rain?

Rain.

Beer or whiskey?

Beer. Blue Moon, partially because of the song.

Bow tie or straight tie?

Bow tie. I do wear them and love them. Went to my first-ever gay wedding and wore one. Plus, I wore one to my graduation.

London or New York?

London.

Suits or dresses?

Suits.
You are adorable. People will want to know if you are in a relationship.

/home/wpcom/public_html/wp-content/blogs.dir/301/31342575/files/2014/12/img_2081.jpgI am too young for a relationship right now. I want to have some fun. I always try to be a gentleman. … I say no to misogynistic butches. I don’t want to be the horrible power-controlling stereotype.

You don’t have to be, Sofia. There are plenty of butches who think like you do — like me! Don’t let a few opinions change who you are. If you are butch, be butch. You don’t have to let it be an excuse to embody the worst parts of male stereotypes.

I really enjoyed talking with Sofia, and I hope that she gets more exposure! Check out her music on iTunes and Spotify.

It’s seriously butch to be an out butch singer-songwriter. Be butch!


My Own Happily Ever After Started Here, Two Years Ago Today

Two years ago today, my life changed forever.

Wanted Sign I suppose that is actually true every single day of our lives in the most strictest sense. But I don’t mean in the strict, rhetoric, philosophical sense. I mean in the something-huge-happens-that-changes-the-course-of-your-life sense. Two years ago today, I posted the piece “Wanted: Femme for Butch.” My therapist told me to write a list of what I wanted in my next relationship. Write it down, he said. It will help you get clear about the kind of woman you want to be with. I thought about it. And thought. And, then I started writing. And I wrote and wrote. It took me some time to get it posted, for a variety of reasons, but whatever the reasons, I posted it today (two years ago).

And then, a few weeks later, one of my fans shared a piece I wrote – not the Wanted piece, but a different/forgettable piece. My wife saw that piece on her friend’s wall and I think she was intrigued by my picture. This was before I “came out” as myself, and so it was a heat mapped version of me. Apparently, she liked what she saw enough to follow the link and read the forgettable piece. Even though she never reads blogs. Then she read another (better) piece, and it included a link to the Wanted piece. She followed the link and read my want ad. She was really affected by it, enough so that she left a comment. Even though she never leaves comments. Her comment was so genuine and honest. Shortly after that, she followed me on Twitter and I sButchOnTap Incognitoaw her picture, which was not heat mapped.

I don’t know if it was because of her comment, her picture (hot, hot, hot), or the fact that I was already set to take a trip to Scotland (where she lived) a few months later, but I reached out. We started talking. First on Twitter in 140 bite chunks, and then in email in much longer chunks. Then we talked on the phone. That led to Skype and we were sure we were both real people, lesbians who looked just like the pictures we had shared online (no catfishing). And we kept on talking, until one day I said, do you think maybe we should meet? In person? *gasp* And you know what? She did think we should meet. In person. A few weeks later, we made that happen. I’ve never been so nervous at the airport in my entire life. Three-piece suit, hair just so. Big bouquet of roses. You can’t text from the customs and immigration lines at the airport, so once someone goes in, it’s a crap shoot when they come popping out of the magical door. Out she came, and suddenly, there she was standing there in the United States in living color. *gulp*

I’ll skip the next bit, but feel free to add your own flourish.

I said in my piece that I wasn’t quite ready for the woman I was advertising for, but that if the Universe sent her my way, I would get ready. Well, it turns out that I knew myself pretty well. I wasn’t ready for her – for all the amazing awesomeness that is her – when the Universe sent her to me. But, I got ready. And, she was patient. And, now I am her wife. All because of the piece I wrote down and then sent out into the Universe. Like a message in a bottle thrown into the sea. “Come find me!” I called out across the social media ocean as I lovingly shoved my electronic message into the protective glass of my website.

Get clear on what you want. Then share it with the world in whatever way you share. I did that work to get clear, and then I Happily Ever After Starts Hereasked on this day. So, it feels like my life changed dramatically (for the better) two years ago. I set in motion the events that lead to me meeting the love of my life. Two years ago today, before I even met her, I moved one step closer on the path to my own happily ever after.

Thank you to my Femme for Butch. You are amazing and I am lucky enough to get to love you every day, and to have you return that love. It is Butch to know and ask for what you want. If you are lucky (#oneluckybutch), you will get it. Be Butch.


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